About Me

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I live in Kent with my husband, toddler Tilly (henceforth known as Monkey) and another baby due in November. We have two cats, Duncan and Lady Macbeth, and four chickens who kindly lay us eggs daily. We live in the picturesque seaside town of Broadstairs. I enjoy reading, knitting and cooking. I'm trying to be a bit 'greener' (not sure how successfully), and to be a gentle parent. Extended breastfeeding and co-sleeping don't freak me out, we use cloth nappies and try to follow some of the ideals of Attachment Parenting. If that sounds as if I know what I'm doing, I don't! I am also a psychotherapist with an interest in Focusing-oriented therapy, and I have a small private practice in the area.

Wednesday, 7 January 2009

Who am I kidding? (confessions)

I've been thinking about my ideals, my philosophies, of parenting, and wondering how it all matches up with what I actually do, and I've come to the conclusion that much of the time it remains a theoretical possibility in my head. I could be like that, I like people who are like that, I really agree with being like that, err, but when it comes to getting off my a*se and actually doing it, well, that's where I tend to fall down. Maybe I'm a bit of a fake? [I'm pondering this in a light-hearted way, not beating myself up or anything]

So there are (many) days like today when, I confess:
  • We used more disposables than reuseable nappies,
  • I parked the babe in her bouncy chair in front of the TV,
  • I fed her from a pot or pouch (organic, but still...).
  • We didn't go for a walk to get any fresh air.
I know it's not tragic or anything, I know I'm a Good Mother, but I think it reflects a bit of a pattern in my life, a certain difficulty (laziness?) transforming theory into reality. 

Anyone else got any similar confessions? Come on, make me feel better about myself ;-)

12 comments:

Sandra said...

Did you read my mind? Haha, that's me to a "t". I really do want to be like that, as you put it, but it seems that I have a hard time following through. I've got greeeaaat intentions and aspirations and ideas but when I look around my house and at my life, I'm kinda like .... o-kay, not going so well (in that aspect, I mean!). But listen: take the things you are doing and pat yourself on the back for them! Eating organic is great, and that's a step in the right direction. You may have used more disposables than reusables, but you're doing more than A LOT of people in this country are even thinking about attempting! Look at these changes and be glad for them, use them to inspire you to add bit by bit to your 'green regimen', if you will! Good luck (and wish me some, too!!)

Joxy said...

Oh yeah, for me its the darn "no" thing. I really really firmly believe that saying "no" all the time is a waste of time fosters negativity........ yet I say "no" constantly, and it drives me batter... mind, in retaliation everytime I ask my son anything at the mo he says "nooooooooooooooooooo" to me.

Sigh.
So I'm trying to break the "no" habit.

Mon said...

I feel that as parents we need to be clear in our minds which behaviours are confessions because we truly want to chnage and which are social confessions. I know many parents who confess on a regular basis and I suspect there is no desire to chnage. But they feel they should feel guilty about those things.

I say, if we are ultimately okay or accepting of our choices, find peace with that - we shouldn't answer to anyone but our own consciences. If not okay, change it.

Naomi said...

I've awarded you a tree of happiness but I can see you already have one so don't feel obligated to do another round of them! :) Just enjoy two of the lovely trees...

http://good-things-come-2-those-who-wait.blogspot.com/2009/01/tree-of-happiness.html

xxxx

willow81 said...

Hi Mon
Thanks for your comment. I guess as I've chosen to post this on my blog it counts as a 'social confession', but I do genuinely puzzle about this gap between my ideas about how I'd like to be and what I actually do. Guilt IS a rather useless emotion. Change the things you aren't happy with, yes. Feel regret for what you are unable to change, but wallowing in guilt helps no one. Sam xx

willow81 said...

Hi Joxy- did you read Mon's recent post about exactly this? (saying no) Very interesting. xx

Daisie said...

Hello, the lovely tree of happiness is finally up on my blog, thanks so much!! Sorry it's taken me so long!
xxx

Mon said...

>>I guess as I've chosen to post this on my blog it counts as a 'social confession', <<

Not necessarily. But do you mean that you don't really want to change?

A purely 'social confession' is to me when we 'confess' how bad we are, only to really hear other parents admit their own confessions and then we all feel better about ourselves at how bad we are as parents, lol. In other words, we don't really want to change, so not really a confession at all, just social propping.

Claire said...

Thank you for the tree of happiness award :) That is a lovely thing to give :)

Be easy on yourself Mama, I think sandra has it right - be glad of where you do 'do' the things that make you feel good. Think about those rather than the ideals. I catch myself feeling that I have 'failed' in many areas and when I do it is easy to get into a downward spiral and see so many more things I'd like to change. It helps me to live in them moment - and say well right now what is the best way to spend my time, what would make the most people happy right now? Rather than backtracking and thinking about what I SHOULD do instead. In fact take 'should' out of your vocab - banish it from your thoughts!! I am trying hard to do that. It is not being lazy - it's knowing that guilt is worse for your soul than not living up to an ideal standard externally imposed upon yourself and family.

You are doing a great job, Tilly looks as beautiful as her Mama - I love the family pic on the beach, you look not an ounce 'overweight'!

Happy New Year!!!

Claire

Earthenwitch said...

Ha - I removed temptation by stopping buying ANY disposables when we bought our cloth nappies. Thus far, it's working well; Quercus and I were ill over Chrimbly, but we still managed nappy washes, probably because there was simply no option... I agree with what others have already said - don't beat yourself up, as you're already doing more than most. And if you want to do more, then maybe give yourself time to do it at your own pace, rather than feeling you 'ought' to do so-and-so...?

Claire said...

Oh! And thanks for the idea for making some babylegs! I have some that I bought but they are too tight around the thigh, i don't know why i didn't think to knit some! Good idea. I went and ordered some 6ply (dk) Opal sock wool in Pinochio last night for this purpose! Not that I don't have a million things already half knit..... you should give the double pointed needles a go, it is really easy once you get going, it just looks fiddly but honestly is as easy as straight knitting. Did you buy wool for this project yet? what did you get?

willow81 said...

Hi Claire!
I ordered some of this from Violet Green:

http://violetgreen.co.uk/index.php/cPath/283?osCsid=50a61a30b69cff7cf59b907062a1e17e

as a special treat (and an encouragement to try out the DPNs). I was hoping it would come today but it should be here tomorrow and I can get started. I know what you mean about the babylegs, they seem to easy to knit and none of the ones I've seen to buy have taken my fancy. And now we're babywearing I *need* lots of them lol!

Love the doll and rucksack btw :-)
xx