- I want to be healthier in general but also with a view to making another baby in 12 months or so;
- I want to feel more at home in my body, and therefore more attractive. I find it hard to feel sexy when I look like this.
- I want to dress more creatively and my weight prevents me from doing that because so much doesn't suit me now I'm a size 16/18.
- We're moving to the seaside and I don't want to be sitting on the beach in my maternity swimsuit.
I would like to be able to just cut down on the amount I eat and to slowly readjust to a healthier weight, but that doesn't seem possible. I think the only way I can tackle this is to follow a slimming plan, probably Slimming World as this is the one I've got along with best (and I also think it's the healthiest as there is no calorie restriction). I have two issues with this though. First is simply my lack of willpower and the difficulty in avoiding 'bad' foods, particularly as my husband and I are fortunate enough to eat out often. I don't have a very sweet tooth but I do crave Indian food and other savoury takeaway food. I can cook a great curry myself but it just doesn't hit the spot. The dieter's feeling of being deprived builds up insidiously until the Wanted Thing becomes the only thing thought about. My second 'problem' with following a conventional diet plan is that in order for it to succeed I have to be as obsessed with food as I am when I am not dieting. It's just swapping out-of-control for total control, but what I really want is to be somewhere in the middle. I just don't know how to get there. I've been seeing a homeopathic practitioner about this issue, which has been fascinating but hasn't cracked it yet. She has approached it from a more holistic angle and her consultations have delved into the root of the problem, my lack of confidence. That perhaps what is stopping me from losing weight is the fear of truly showing or revealing myself. This, I guess, is similar to Susie Orbach's thesis in Fat Is A Feminist Issue, that the weight is a cushion or shield from the world.
Is analysis any use though? I've had five years of therapy and I haven't changed (with regard to this particular issue). I wrote my MA thesis about women and body image as part of working-through: nothing changed. Do I just need a kick up the backside, an injection of self-discipline and motivation? That's how it appears to me now, that I need to go back to the slimming group, avoid eating out, plan my menu well in advance and just bloody well stick to it.
Answers on a postcard please (or alternatively just post a comment!)