Style Statement {Friend Survey}

Ok, so I'm still doing this Style Statement process. Slowly, because I have a toddler and an imminent house move and the Booker shortlist to read (!) but I am still thinking about this stuff. In the Style Statement book there is a short survey you can ask your friends or loved ones to complete in order to get another perspective on your personal style. So here's what my husband had to say about yours truly:

How would you describe my style? - cautious. a little scared to take risks but when you do it works

What do you think is my greatest personal strength? - dedication to make yourself and those around you better people.

What do you think it would be good for me to 'let go of' in my wardrobe, home or psyche? - there isn't a great deal in your wardrobe and there's certainly nothing that offends me. I don't think there's anything in the hom either as you're not a great horader of rubbish or trinkets. It would be good for you to get rid of the worry that you're not good enough at stuff. Less internal competitiveness

When do you feel I am at my best? - when you're being funny. You are the funniest woman i've ever met and it's one of the reasons i married you.

What do you wish I was less of, for my sake? Less of a worrier. We're not all judging you.

When have you seen me looking my most fabulous? On both our wedding days. At [a friend's] wedding you looked absolutely stunning. I was really proud.

What do you think I could give myself more credit for, or celebrate more? Credit yourself more with the amazing job you do with Tilly She's the most amazingly loved, cared for and nurtured baby. Celebrate your skill at talking to people, don't be shy with them. You've got so much to say and you say it so well. Speak like you write in your blogs. Don't be afraid to say what you think. You've got great breasts so maybe wear lower cut tops, flash them a bit more.

(Did I get the bestest husband in the world or what? He 'gets' me, I know that much)

Style Statement {Home & Stuff}

[Image of Mount Fuji and sakura blossom from Flickr]

These are the 'What Does Not Work Well For Me" home questions:

I HAVE FELT OUT OF PLACE OR INCREDIBLY UNCOMFORTABLE: I feel out of place on the occasions that I've found myself in a very business-y environment or office. I sometimes feel out of place among (what I would consider) hyper-cool people.

SOME THINGS IN MY LIVING SPACE I WANT TO TOSS BUT HAVEN'T OR CAN'T: Nothing really, I don't accumulate clutter.

THE MOST RIDICULOUS PURCHASE I EVER MADE WAS: I'm sure there is one but I can't think of it now!

MY IDEA OF AN UNAPPEALING LIVING PLACE OR CULTURE IS: I value cleanliness and hygiene so 18th century England wouldn't suit be well!

IF SOMEONE DIDN'T KNOW ME VERY WELL, THEY'D TAKE ME ON A DATE TO (AND IT WOULD BE DISASTROUS BECAUSE): A trendy nightclub would be one, or a show of some sort requiring audience participation. I *hate* clubs, they make me feel self-conscious about my weight and not feeling cool or fashionable enough. And the show would be awful because I would sit there feeling scared that I would be picked on or asked to go on stage (the horror!)

WHAT WORDS OR CONCEPTS FEEL INTRIGUING OR IMPORTANT TO YOU? It feels important to learn that although I am a very homey person I don't have many objects around me that hold memories or are 'special' in some way, or things that I've held on to for years.

WHAT THEMES ARE SHOWING UP IN YOUR ANSWERS? From these and my previous answers there are clearly themes of home, security, comfort. With a touch of luxury.

WHAT WORDS, IMAGES OR FEELINGS ARE CROSSING YOUR MIND? I'm feeling a little self-critical of my attachment to home and security, that perhaps it is a bit too much and limits me in some way. There's a sense of wanting to be more comfortable with the exotic, the different (Japan, for instance). Does my insistence on home and safety inhibit my creative edge?

Style Statement {Home}- updated

{image from here}

I FEEL MOST AT HOME: at home, indoors, curled on the sofa with my laptop, reading in bed, creating in the kitchen. When all is tidy and neat. Family near.

HOW I FEEL WHEN I'M THERE: content, calm, at peace.

WHAT I VALUE MOST ABOUT THE PLACE/ SPACE / COMMUNITY WHERE I LIVE: a little tricky because we are imminently moving to the seaside, but for now I value that I live in the suburbs but on the edge of London. Family are close. When we move I will (hopefully) value being able to see the sea every single day, and to walk along the bays and the beaches.

A FEW OBJECTS IN MY LIVING SPACE THAT I CHERISH OR TAKE GREAT PLEASURE IN: I've realised that I have little around me that I cherish (objects, that is). I don't tend to hang on to things, I de-clutter radically and often. But I've realised that this is a *want*, that I'd really like to have special things around me, objects that I connect with. For now I think it would have to be family photographs and my laptop which connects me with the world. Fresh flowers too.

MY DREAM HOME IS: hopefully, hopefully, very close.

IF I COULD HAVE BEEN BORN INTO A DIFFERENT CULTURE OR TIME PERIOD, IT WOULD HAVE BEEN: Hmm, not sure.

I LONG TO TRAVEL TO/ AND ONE OF MY FAVOURITE PLACES TO VISIT IS: I love New York. I have a longing to visit Japan (based on reading lots of Murakami and watching Lost in Translation so I'm not sure how accurate this fantasy is!).

MY PERSONAL SANCTUARY IS: Not sure I have one at the moment but a bedroom like the one in the photo above; a hot bubble bath.

I AM AT EASE THERE BECAUSE IT IS: That bedroom because it is calm, warm but uncluttered, with some luxurious and comforting touches.

A COMPLETELY LUXURIOUS/ OUTRAGEOUS THING I'D LIKE TO OWN IS: a villa on a Caribbean island. I'm sure there's more...

I COLLECT OR HAVE A LOT OF: nothing really. Oh, books, of course...

Style Statement {Style Run: An Inquiry}

So here's one of the first inquiry exercises from the Style Statement book with my answers. I think the purpose of this one is just to get you warmed up and thinking creatively. Since I got the book and began thinking about these sorts of questions I find that thoughts are popping into my head all of the time, like, 'I love bubble baths', 'dazzle is a great word', and 'I must give all of my old nighties to the charity shop' (!). So now I have a new notebook to jot things down in.

WHAT ARE YOU SENSITIVE TO? Critisicm, moods, smells, injustice, narcissism.

WHAT ARE YOU MOST GRATEFUL FOR? Family, health, love, prosperity, good food.

WHAT DO YOU LIKE TO BE NOTICED FOR? Intelligence, wit, keeping a beautiful home and cooking good food. Great hair.

HOW DO YOU DEAL WITH BEING RUSHED? I would probably get quite stressed but I have a tendency to rush things myself anyway.

WHEN HAVE YOU BEEN UNEXPECTEDLY STRONG? That's easy. Giving birth.

WHEN HAVE YOU BEEN UNEXPECTEDLY VULNERABLE? Yesterday when I read what my husband had wrote about me in response to the 'Ask-A-Friend' Style Statement survey (crying in a good way).

WHAT KIND OF SHOES ARE YOU DRAWN TO? Purple ones. Mary-Janes. Suede boots. NOT stilletos.

HOW DO YOU FEEL ABOUT SHOPPING? I'm ambivalent. When the Gods of Shopping are with me I love it, if not it can be frustrating, disappointing and, at its worst, can inspire an attack of self-loathing.

HOW DO YOU FEEL IN A BOOKSTORE? At home, greedy, intoxicated.

WHAT DOES YOUR VOICE SOUND LIKE TO YOU? Too high, too young, too posh.

WHAT ARE SOME OF YOUR FAVOURITE WORDS? Tilly. Fur. Syntonic. Debacle. Lie-in. Champagne.

WHAT WOULD YOU LIKE TO REVOLUTIONIZE? Attitudes to breastfeeding and parenting/ mothering in general.

Style Statement

I'm going to share with you a self-development exercise that I am embarking on. It feels a bit scary to do so in blog form, mainly because it will be a process which involves looking at and naming both my strengths and vulnerabilities, but also because it is primarily about finding my 'style', which I worry makes it all sound a bit shallow and materialistic. That's not what it's about as I envision it, and I hope it won't come across that way. Image and personal style are important to me, and I hope this process will help me refine my 'look', but I also hope it will help me to nurture and develop my creativity in an individual way, and bring me closer to myself in all senses.

The process is called Style Statement and you can read about it all here or check out the link for the book here. Here's a snippet from the book's dust jacket:

• What's your style statement? Two words to live by. Your style statement defines your authentic self. It is a compass for creating a life that reflects what's true to you in every way. From your wisdom to your wardrobe, from your longings to your living room- your Style Statement is where your essence meets your experience.
• Through a unique series of inquiries into what you long for, what inspires you, and what you're attracted to- as well as what doesn't work for you, Style Statement guides you to discover two profoundly descriptive words that capture your essence. Based on the 80/20 principle, the first word represents your foundation, your 80%. The second word is your creative edge- the 20% of your image that motivates and distinguishes you.
• Applied with intention, your Style Statement will become a real tool for making powerful choices that inspire the spirit, look and feel of your life- a life that genuinely shines.

So why would anyone *need* a style statement, and why do I want one? For as long as I can remember I have felt that the true, honest essence of me gets obscured by fear; fear of judgement, criticism, disapproval from others. A fear of truly being myself and of making a commitment to that 'me'. I want to find my voice. I want to paint a picture of myself that resembles me, rather than what I think others want to see. I want to stop qualifying and judging myself. I want to live freely and creatively, and inspire my daughter to do the same. I love ideas and theories and different styles and ways of living, but I often get lost amid it all. I end up trying to be all things to all people. I want to know and practice a few things well instead of jumping from subject to subject, from idea to idea. Variety is good and I thrive on the feeling of recognising something new which might inspire me, but I also want to stick with it past the new-and-exciting phase, and that means knowing if a particular thing is 'me' or 'not-me'. I also hope that this process will encourage me to make an effort, for myself that is. I know I am mama to a toddler but that's not a reason to forget to cleanse and moisturise my skin, or to pull on the nearest T-shirt and jeans from a pile on the floor each morning. Aren't I worth more than that?

*****

Ah so this is interesting. I just left this post to go and make breakfast for me and the Monkey, and whaddaya know, the negative, doubting internal voices began their work:

• "What makes you think anyone is interested in this?"
• "You are so shallow"
• "Who are you to go on about yourself like this?"
• "This will be no different to any of the other things you've started doing and subsequently given up on"

So rather than let them have the last word I am going to have my reply. I know that this post might be interesting to someone because I love to read the blogs of creative women doing similar self-development work- that's how I found the book, after all. But if no one is interested, that shouldn't matter because I am doing this for myself, and I need to learn to use my internal compass rather than wait for approval or interest from others. This process is not about buying the right shoes or accumulating 'stuff' and possessions. If anything it is about reducing waste by making savvy, clever choices that are right for me. It is about coming to feel at home, at ease with myself. And finally, if I give up on this? This is where am I, presently, in this moment, and that has intrinsic value. I *hope* it will lead me somewhere and sustain my interest but it's a tool and a process, I'm not joining a religion after all!

Hopefully I will have time to post again later today with one of the first exercises from the book...