That's Not My Monkey!

Some Easter & garden photos

2010-04-05T05:29:00.000-07:00

Tilly and a friend checking on the chickens

Easter dress accessorized with wellies!

Beautiful boy Duncan

Scary eyed Lady Macbeth!

One of our hens

Walk along the White Cliffs

Drawing at home

Asking for booby, most likely!

Monkey in the garden

2010-03-30T06:56:00.001-07:00

At last the weather is mild enough to venture into the garden. We have some seedlings we are nurturing and we are looking forward to finding our green fingers! More on that soon...

The Girls

2010-03-30T06:30:00.000-07:00

Our girls arrived on Saturday evening, along with their super-swanky new ark and run!

Lady Macbeth is keeping her eye on them:

It's good to have them at last, after lots of dithering and uncertainty. Strangely it feels like quite a lot of responsibility to take care of the four new members of the family, and in particular I've been worried about foxes, but for now we have decided to keep the girls in their run and not to let them free-range in the garden. At night they are safely shut in the coop, and it is unlikely that- as in a dream I had last night- foxes will be utilising trampolines to spring into our garden (!).

In actual fact they are no trouble at all, they like a bit of corn and a chat now and then, clean water and drink, and scraping the poo out, but in return for very little effort they are providing us with the most beautiful brown eggs. That seems like a good deal to me!

Green Johanna!

2010-02-25T14:25:00.000-08:00

I'm ridiculously excited that my Green Johanna composter has arrived and is sitting in a corner of the garden awaiting lots of garden waste and kitchen scraps. I'll take a photo of it tomorrow to post (I'm getting really cross with myself for never taking my camera out with me anymore). This weekend I am also planning to plant some seedlings indoors and to plan out the space for my raised beds. I am also thinking of stalking the local allotments to see if some kind souls can impart some gardening wisdom to me!

Have a good weekend everyone!

Seafront walk

2010-02-18T14:32:00.000-08:00

Photographs by Daddy

Help me discover some green fingers!

2010-02-18T13:44:00.001-08:00

This is our new garden, and I don't know where to begin!

I think we are going to put our chicken ark somewhere near the decking towards the front of the photo, and I am planning to put in a couple of raised beds alongside the fence to grow vegetables.

I also want to grow something along the fence, not necessarily to cover it up but to make it not look so bare and fence-like. Any suggestions?

How did you begin to learn how to make a garden? I feel intimidated and I don't know where to start...

Monkey's re-vamped chest of drawers

2010-01-14T05:23:00.001-08:00

So Christmas with us was a bit of a stressful time with the Monkey seemingly going on hunger-strike for three weeks and then finally coming down with chickenpox. But as the New Year arrived I felt the need to complete at least one small project: freshening up a tatty old chest of drawers that lives in the Monkey's nursery. Here it is before:

Excuse the chocolate-milk-splattered Monkey!

And here it is after a coat of paint. We used a lavender satinwood for the body and tester pots of emulsion for the drawer fronts. I think it looks really cute. Now just have to pull my finger out and get a second coat of paint on, as the babe's clothes have been strewn around the room for week's now!

Still here! (and some snow pics)

2009-12-19T14:34:00.000-08:00

Long time no blogging, eh? Have you missed us? We've still been reading our favourite blogs, and Twittering and Facebooking- although I must confess that my Twitter addiction and my absence from blogging are probably connected. I've been having a very fallow period in terms of creativity, and so far this winter there hasn't been a single stitch knitted or a novel read. A good magazine is about as much as I can manage (and I'm really enjoying 'Red' magazine and 'Olive' at the moment).

Life by the seaside is going very well. After a busy first couple of weeks in the new house we have settled in and established new routines. Dave is commuting into London each day, so Monkey and I are on our own for much of the week. I work on Tuesday mornings and the babe goes to a good childminder we have found locally, and on Wednesdays I go to work near our old house and my Mum looks after her. It works out well and I enjoy having a day away from home. I don't find it easy going from 'mama' to 'therapist' at the moment, being a mama is such an all-encompassing job and I seldom feel there is much of me left for my clients.

We are going though another difficult patch with the Monkey's eating. She had been doing fairly well with the new food supplements prescribed by the dietician but this last week has been dreadful and very stressful. I *think* it's another tooth coming through, but it's always a worry when she stops eating. We are also continuing to have frequent breath-holding spells with full-on passing-out, I think this is just something we will have to live with as we progress through toddlerhood.

So that was just a little update from us, and some photos we took of the Monkey enjoying her first snow today. I will try to pop back in soon but if I don't, Merry Christmas or season's greetings to you!

Calm

2009-11-01T13:15:00.000-08:00

I was going to come on here and rant about the Monkey's weight and food problems, and about the upsetting appointment we had at the paediatrician the other week. I *might* still do the ranting but right now, for the first time in a couple of days, I feel the beginnings of a sense of peace and acceptance, there is calm in the storm that has been raging around here. A couple of things have helped: reading this piece from India Knight about her daughter's open-heart surgery (it's an old article but I follow India on Twitter and like her writing, I was just randomly flicking through some things she'd written). Also, thinking about friends of ours whose 6-week old baby died last year. So here's the thing, yes, our little girl is tiny, petite, she may even be unhealthily underweight (I don't know) and she has these breath-holding spells which are currently a huge challenge... but... she is here, she is not chronically ill, she is strong and characterful and she has shiny hair and eyes. Those who know her say she is thriving, and she is doing the right things at the right time. There may be some underlying reason for her smallness, or this might just be how she is. This evening it just struck me that we have a lot to be grateful for.

Spooky Day!

2009-10-29T12:43:00.000-07:00

What a strange weather experience we've had today! This morning, up at our house, the sky was clear and the sun was out. We walked ten minutes down the road to the sea-front and this is what we found:

Thick sea fog rolling in

Monkey had a little wander on the sand and a dig with her bucket and spade, there were lots of little girls and boys enjoying climbing up the sand banks. We walked back home and sat in the garden in the sun until the mist made its way up to us, at first I thought it was someone lighting a bonfire as it wafted across like thick smoke. Very apt for impending Halloween!

Beach Fun

2009-10-26T10:37:00.000-07:00

We've had lots of beach fun this past week. Monkey is still getting used to her wellies (they fall off CONSTANTLY despite being padded out with socks and mama's handknitted babylegs!)but she loves her wet weather suit. We've been on the beach at Viking Bay and Botany Bay, the weather has been fantastic and we've been playing in the sand and having a paddle. We have an intrepid little explorer on our hands who loves to clamber over the rocks, it's a shame she is so light though, the wind almost blows her over.

Finding a new groove

2009-10-15T12:34:00.000-07:00

Monkey models her new wet weather suit!

Wow, I am seriously tired this evening. I'm sitting at my kitchen table, a cat skulking around my feet, and my belly full with warming chicken casserole (sadly a ready-meal though, it's been one of those days). Although we are more-or-less unpacked there are still some random boxes sitting around, and in the den all of our books, CDs and LPs are waiting patiently for the delivery of some shelves from Ikea. Today I must have emptied about a dozen large boxes and stacked the contents up neatly. I finally found a GP who would register us as new patients (don't get me started on that one), and I had a stroke of good fortune at the florist, who gave us 5 extra beautiful yellow roses for free because they had opened up a bit too much for her to keep them on display. I just love having flowers around the house.

This has been my first week at home alone with the Monkey while DH goes to work. It's been much better than I had imagined, and we seem to be finding a new 'groove' here beside the seaside. The days, however, feel really long. DH has been getting up shortly after 5am to get the 6am fast train service, and the babe has been waking up early also. I am NOT a morning person and I really struggle with being up before 7.30am. Because her waking has been so unpredictable I have found it hard to get back off to sleep when DH leaves. There has been no Squirreling for me (that's how DH refers to my late-evening blogging/ Twittering activities), and we've been heading up to bed after catching up on the evening's Masterchef episode. Our bed (the same bed we had at the old house) has somehow been transformed into the most wonderfully sleep-inducing bed ever. As soon as our heads hit the pillow we are out. Perhaps it's the Feng Shui, or the sea air, or just the fact that we are both exhausted!

I've taken Monkey to a new toddler group this week and it was fantastic, far, far nicer than the one we went to last week. This one just felt right, I chatted with other mums, there were babies being breast-fed, and at least one toddler (mine!). Monkey settled in after a short while and even sat at the table with the other children at snack time. They looked so sweet! It's on a Wednesday which isn't the best day for me as I will be heading out to work in the afternoon, but we will definitely be going again.

This weekend we are busy with visitors so there will be lots of cooking, I hope. I've almost run out of chilli jam and have a new preserving pan now so there will be a new batch coming soon. I also want to get back into breadmaking and don't even ask me where my knitting needles are! Hope you all have a lovely weekend, I'm sure we will.

Cancel that Ark

2009-10-08T07:59:00.000-07:00

Yesterday I was convinced that we would be building an ark after three days of near-constant rain. This morning dawned fair and sunny, and the Monkey and I went for an early morning stroll down to the seafront:

It was the perfect morning to appreciate our new surroundings, with the sun glinting off the sea and the beach empty except for a few dog-walkers:

Oops, posted the same photo twice!

Monkey gave us a little lie-in (well, 7am but that's a marked improvement on the last few days). She is showing off her new haircut, courtesy of Grandad, a professional barber whose skill and fearlessness with a pair of scissors and a wriggly toddler far surpassed any of my previous doomed attempts!

Our new home

I love Autumn, and I hope that wherever you are today you are enjoying this beautiful season.

We're here!

2009-10-02T11:48:00.000-07:00

Just a very quick update to say that we are now the proud owners of our lovely new house by the sea (well, ten minutes walk from the sea!). The move on Wednesday went very well, considering we were all suffering with the 'flu. We picked up the keys at 4pm and the removal men finally finished unloading at 11pm... oh my goodness how tired were we? Yesterday was spent getting my kitchen unpacked and in order, I felt very happy when I popped out this morning to our local florist to get some flowers for my kitchen table. Monkey has been pretty unsettled and not the happiest, but I arranged her room today and she must have liked it because she has gone to sleep in her cot in her bedroom this evening, yay! We collected our cats and they are sniffing around the lounge, where they will be confined for the next week or two. And we are waiting for our dinner, Indian takeaway, mmmmmmmmm.

More soon, and photos....

Thank goodness for Mummy Milk

2009-09-24T11:15:00.000-07:00

Poor Monkey is suffering this week with her teeth and a cough & cold. She is barely eating and as a result we are breast-feeding LOTS. Which I need to keep reminding myself of, because I do worry when she doesn't eat. And I get to eat lots of yummy things because I'm feeding both of us :-)

Almost there

2009-09-23T07:15:00.000-07:00

We have exchanged contracts on our house and moving day is scheduled for next Wednesday! I can't possibly convey to you the stress of the last couple of weeks. At more than one point it looked like it wasn't going to happen. We had a deadline of 30th September before our mortgage offer expired. Last Friday we found out that our vendors had lost the house they were planning to buy. Thankfully they have decided to continue with their plans to move and are renting a house in the interim. Yesterday, after trying to exchange contracts for the previous two days, we were informed that our buyers had lost their buyer. Yep, they just decided not to proceed. The English system is appalling, it is a disgrace that there is no commitment until contracts are exchanged. You are relying on someone's word and planning your future lives with no guarantees whatsoever. With great relief we found out that our lenders were happy to proceed on the basis that we would be renting our house out, and even better news came when our buyers indicated that they would like to rent the house and buy it when they had secured another buyer. So now we have a week to pack our lives up and prepare for seaside life! Here's a few pics of our destination:

Mmmm, chilli jam!

2009-09-23T07:01:00.000-07:00

Inspired by Nina over at Tabiboo (a soon-to-be neighbour in Broadstairs) I decided to have a go at making my own chilli jam. I wanted something piquant and sweet to accompany cheese, cold meats, sausages etc. This was my very first attempt at making any kind of jam or preserve, so I borrowed my Mum's preserving pan and hey presto:

A deliciously sticky chilli jam! I used Sarah Raven's recipe which you can find online here. I changed the recipe very slightly, using 3 regular red chillies and adding 1 Birds Eye chilli for some extra heat. I also used one of those sweet pointy red peppers. It set beautifully after an hour or so bubbling away, and the spicing is just right, a nice heat but it doesn't send you rushing to the tap for water (not that water helps but anyway!).

Unfortunately the recipe quantities only made one jar (plus a tablespoon leftover which was very quickly devoured!) so I will be making it again very soon and sizing up the quantities.

Just Because

2009-09-16T06:38:00.001-07:00

And I'm out...

2009-09-16T05:00:00.000-07:00

I'm sorry to say that I've given up on my second Booker Prize novel, How to Paint a Dead Man, by Sarah Hall. Sorry because I absolutely hate giving up on books, but life is too short and too busy, and this one has been sitting by my bed for 2 weeks now and I've had to force myself to read further. It's also a shame because the writing is beautiful. This, for example:

Still, there you were, together, from the very beginning. You shared a pillow of placenta, pedalled in tandem against your mother's belly. You heard concurrently the wet chamber music of her body, shared nutrients, and dreamt the same hermetic dream.

Elegant and poetic, but ultimately the narrative was just not strong enough to maintain my interest. There are four strands to the novel, each concerned with art and it's place in the world, but I read a third of the novel and became frustrated that there was no plot to speak of and nothing to urge me forward. I guess I need a good story. Maybe I should get the new Dan Brown (JOKE).

Knitting: The Proof

2009-09-15T10:02:00.000-07:00

Some knitting to show you, at last! Here's my most recent project, a pretty teal bolero for the Monkey:

Nanna had to finish it off, however, because I couldn't work out the reverse shapings on the collar. Boo. Feel like a bit of a cheat.

How cute is she in her play buggy?!

My current W.I.P is another one of these contrast-edging cardigans.

Nanna knitted this one in white and green.

And I am knitting the next size up in a lovely grey and dusky pink. Let's hope I actually manage to finish it all myself...

Another foodie weekend...

2009-09-13T13:50:00.000-07:00

This weekend was a rather successful foodie weekend. Successful for the tastebuds, deadly for the diet, that is! We had a lovely takeaway Indian meal on Friday evening, and on Saturday we pizza using Hugh Fearnley Whittinstall's recipe from the Guardian magazine a few weeks ago. Now I was a little dubious about pizza-making, never having made a dough from scratch before. Deciding that this MUST be done properly, I nipped over to the food hall at John Lewis in Bluewater to purchase a pizza stone. This nifty bit of equipment gets preheated in the oven at the highest possible temperature and is supposed to ensure that your pizza gets a crispy base. Hugh F-W does claim that the dough recipe is foolproof and he turned out to be right. The pizza was incredible, as you can see from the photos! Light and crispy dough, just perfect. We were so pleased with ourselves. I also made a roasted tomato sauce and we topped the pizzas with chorizo and hard goats cheese (the winner) and roast peppers and feta (a worthy runner-up). Saturday nights are now Pizza Nights, and we have spent today dreaming up our next batch of toppings. Controversially, we are both in favour of pineapple on pizza (Hugh is NOT), so that will be featuring next time...

Loving this... Florence and the Machine

2009-09-05T03:52:00.001-07:00

I don't tend to listen to much music because I'm a Radio 4 gal at heart, but I have fallen head-over-heels for this amazing girl and her band, Florence and the Machine. Look at her at the Reading Festival, isn't she the coolest chick with her flaming red hair and her bat costume?! I've got a huge girl-crush on her. Click on this link to go to the Performance Highlights, at 26 minutes in you will find my favourite song, Rabbit Heart (Raise it Up). I must have listened to it about twenty times in the last few days! It's so uplifting it makes me want to jump around the room...

Day(s) From Hell

2009-09-03T10:06:00.000-07:00

Okay, hell might be a slight exaggeration, and of course there are many people far worse off than I but crikey it has been a trying 24 hours or so. I am renowned for being calm under pressure, and five months of being in the house-buying process is pretty darn testing, but after three weeks of being told that we would have a date imminently I finally lost it. I need to know when we are moving! I wouldn't even mind if that date was two months away, I just want to know. As it is, we keep hearing soon, soon, soon... but no word comes. We are living in limbo: making preparations; changing arrangements for work; living amongst boxes of flat-packed furniture; lusting after interiors and beautiful Danish furniture on eBay; fending off endless "when are you moving" questions; vaccinating our cats in readiness for a stay in the cattery; Freecycling things, like spare beds, which it would still actually be quite helpful to have in the house.

We made our offer on the house we want to buy before Easter. In that time we have managed to sell two houses, completing on one and hopefully tying the other one in with our onward move. Our vendors haven't even managed to get their sodding mortgage approved and appear to be the last people you could possibly wish to find yourself in a life-changing house purchase transaction with.

Deep breath. This too shall pass.

The dishwasher has packed up, and fused the electrics in the process. I am now having to empty it and wash the contents by hand, which does have the advantage of at least ensuring that the dishes are clean, a basic requirement which said dishwasher appears not to be particularly fussed with.

I've got fleas. Well, not me exactly but the cats do, and yours truly is the only one in the house with bites. Lots. Of. Bites.

Oh yes, and did I mention that my baby passed out for a minute this morning?

Yes, this is now the third episode of breath holding, this time triggered by her being angry rather than having a bump or being in pain of some sort. It was a total nightmare, we were in a busy restaurant having lunch and Monkey was getting fed up of not being able to run around. I tried to pop her back in the highchair, she let out a cry and then... no breath. And still no breath. And floppiness. My friend and I are calling her name, shaking her, trying to rouse her. It's less than a minute and she comes round again, promptly projectile vomiting the contents of her stomach across me and the restaurant. Jeez. She was fine after I'd cleaned her up. I even managed to eat the rest of my pasta. Bless the waiting staff, they were very tolerant and kind, I was of course mortified. I got home and researched breath-holding spells in toddlers, which turned out to be quite reassuring. I learned that it is reasonably common, and that the child will spontaneously start breathing again in a minute or less. I learned that I don't need to rouse her, shake or splash her with water, and that I should just lie her flat until she comes around. I also learnt that it can run in families, and yes, I was a breath-holding toddler! It can also be linked to anaemia, so I will be taking Monkey to the GP to get her iron levels checked out and to get a second opinion. It aint easy being a parent, is it?

My prescription then...

DH is out tonight so I will be trying to relax by having a bath and casting on stitches for a new knitting project (not whilst in the bath). The diet has gone out the window and is legging it up the street so I'm treating myself to Indian food from Waitrose. The Monkey was gently encouraged to have an early night. Fragranced candles are burning on the mantlepiece. Tomorrow is another day.

Booker Prize Challenge {Review: Me Cheeta}

2009-08-31T13:00:00.000-07:00

Cheeta and Tarzan (Johnny Weissmuller)

My first read from the Booker shortlist is 'Me Cheeta' by James Laver. This just happened to be the first novel to arrive in the post from Amazon, and it is an unusual addition to the Booker shortlist in that it is a comic novel, a spoof Hollywood memoir 'written' by the chimpanzee Cheeta, who starred in the Tarzan movies of the 30s and 40s. The strength of the novel lies in Cheeta's uniquely bitchy, scathing voice and razor-sharp comments about the movie stars of the day. He hates Chaplin with a passion ("a mono-maniacal bore unstoppably propagandizing his own sexual status"), sees Mickey Rooney as his unworthy rival and has a bad word to say about just about everyone except his beloved Johnny. Some of the gossip is breathtakingly outrageous (a chapter on Esther Williams, titled "Fucking Bitch!", is "removed on legal advice").

But this is not just a scurrilous attack on the movie stars of the Golden Age. It chronicles the loving friendship that Cheeta shared with Tarzan (swimming star and actor Johnny Weissmuller) and there is a real poignancy to Cheeta's attempts to become one of the family, a companion to Weissmuller, rather than, as seems to be the case, something of a variety act that gets wheeled out to do party tricks (drinking and smoking being his particular vices, along with a propensity for masturbation). Lever heavily critiques the use of animals in showbusiness, with Cheeta's fantasy honorary Oscar acceptance speech being dedicated to "every animal that has ever suffered for its cinematic art". Cheeta considers himself fortunate to be 'rehabilitated' from his early life in the jungle of Africa, and welcomes the human race's attempts to remove animals from- nay destroy- their natural habitats:

You know there are slightly more tigers in America today than there are left in the wild? It should be stressed that that's not a cause for celebration just yet: the job's only half-finished... Yes, destroying the forests themselves helps, but we need to get those percentages turned around.

There are some beautiful passages at the beginning of the book describing Cheeta's pre-Hollywood life in the jungle, although his time in the wild is by no means romanticised, it is quite literally a fight for survival.

There are, then, two very different 'sides' to this book: a satirical view of our treatment of animals, and the bitchy spoof Hollywood memoir. They work well together but the limited storytelling potential of a chimpanzee's imagined life experience isn't quite enough to keep the momentum going and I found my interest dipping a little about three-quarters of the way through. I know that some Amazon reviewers have questioned why it is in the Booker shortlist, for me I think the writing is actually very beautiful in places. It is a clever and funny book but not one I would pick up to re-read. I don't think it will win the prize but I can see why it was well-received. It's just not a big enough book to be a winner.

Style Statement {Friend Survey}

2009-08-31T12:09:00.000-07:00

Ok, so I'm still doing this Style Statement process. Slowly, because I have a toddler and an imminent house move and the Booker shortlist to read (!) but I am still thinking about this stuff. In the Style Statement book there is a short survey you can ask your friends or loved ones to complete in order to get another perspective on your personal style. So here's what my husband had to say about yours truly:

How would you describe my style? - cautious. a little scared to take risks but when you do it works

What do you think is my greatest personal strength? - dedication to make yourself and those around you better people.

What do you think it would be good for me to 'let go of' in my wardrobe, home or psyche? - there isn't a great deal in your wardrobe and there's certainly nothing that offends me. I don't think there's anything in the hom either as you're not a great horader of rubbish or trinkets. It would be good for you to get rid of the worry that you're not good enough at stuff. Less internal competitiveness

When do you feel I am at my best? - when you're being funny. You are the funniest woman i've ever met and it's one of the reasons i married you.

What do you wish I was less of, for my sake? Less of a worrier. We're not all judging you.

When have you seen me looking my most fabulous? On both our wedding days. At [a friend's] wedding you looked absolutely stunning. I was really proud.

What do you think I could give myself more credit for, or celebrate more? Credit yourself more with the amazing job you do with Tilly She's the most amazingly loved, cared for and nurtured baby. Celebrate your skill at talking to people, don't be shy with them. You've got so much to say and you say it so well. Speak like you write in your blogs. Don't be afraid to say what you think. You've got great breasts so maybe wear lower cut tops, flash them a bit more.

(Did I get the bestest husband in the world or what? He 'gets' me, I know that much)

Booker Prize Challenge

2009-08-22T14:41:00.000-07:00

I always have a pile of books beside my bed (how could you not?) but my current pile tells a rather disappointing and sorry tale of books begun and abandoned, novels-not-finished and a couple of occasional-dip-into books on creativity. My most recent acquisition is a really rotten 'chick-lit' book that I really need to just let go (it's this, supposedly one of the better examples of the genre but it is tosh). Leafing through the Times magazine this evening I came across a special offer for the entire Booker Prize shortlist, and a quick read of the summaries convinced me that for once it might be a good year to dive in. So, in an attempt to raise the bar and remind my poor brain that I did actually get a degree in English Lit in the not-so-distant-past, I hereby announce the Booker challenge. Yes, I am planning to read the shortlist, one novel a week, for the next thirteen weeks. Yikes. I've ordered the first three from Amazon. Some of them are still only in hardback, which I can't get along with at all, so I am planning to start with How to Paint A Dead Man by Sarah Hall, The Wilderness by Samantha Harvey, and Me Cheeta by James Lever. I'll check back in and let you all know how I'm getting on. And do let me know what your summer reads are...

Beautiful Beach Afternoon

2009-08-22T14:03:00.000-07:00

A lovely day today:

honest talk

good food

grandparents

sun

fresh lemonade

seaweed

sand

(lots of, found in nappy and between toes at the end of the day)

hats

friends

Thanet Gannet- Broadstairs, Ramsgate, Margate restaurant reviews

2009-08-20T01:52:00.000-07:00

IF you happen to be visiting Broadstairs, Margate or Ramsgate this summer, be sure to visit my talented husband's foodie blog, Thanet Gannet. Don't take a chance on a poor food experience, check out his reviews and you're guaranteed a good meal even if the sun doesn't shine.

STOP PRESS: The Thanet Gannet is being published in the local newspaper next week!

Ordinary Days Blog Button!

2009-08-20T01:19:00.000-07:00

Do you like my new Ordinary Days blog button? I got some sweet comments from my previous post so I thought I'd make it a regular thing. What do your Ordinary Days look like? I'd love it if you join me (just right-click and save the image from my sidebar, and don't forget to link back so I can have a look!).

Maiden Voyage!

2009-08-19T14:59:00.001-07:00

Ordinary Day

2009-08-18T08:35:00.000-07:00

Washing and washing-up in the kitchen

New spice jars waiting to be filled

Cute!

Knitting gone wrong

And me

I'm smiling because I am lucky and grateful for ordinary days

What we've been up to...

2009-08-15T06:00:00.000-07:00

I had an unexpected day off work on Tuesday so we headed over to Godstone Farm with the Grandparents. It was a nice place to visit but you probably needed to have a half day there and bring a picnic rather than whizz around in an hour or so as we tried to do. Lots of animals to see and also to pet. There were pens that you could get into and stroke the goats, sheep, rabbits, guinea pigs etc. I felt a little sorry for the animals as there was a constant stream of over-excited children inflicting attention on them. Monkey was quite taken with the goat bridge (see photo above). It was quite reasonably priced at £3.50 per adult and just £1.50 for the Monkey. They've got a soft play area which we didn't use as I can't stand the things
House-wise things are dragging on interminably. Apparently (and this according to their own solicitors) we are attempting to buy a house from the laziest people on earth. We don't know whether there is a reason for them dragging their heels or if they are just a bit useless, but the latest date mooted for completion is w/c 7 September, which will be 5 months since our offer was accepted. I just hope our buyers aren't getting impatient, as we could end up living with my parents if they can't wait that long.
There have been a couple of bloggy posts recently about fertility and baby-spacing, and this is something that has been on my mind too. A good friend has announced that she is expecting baby number two, just 8 months after her gorgeous little boy was born, and now two of my NCT group have announced their second pregnancies. I am feeling broody! I was always intending to have about a 2.5- 3 year gap between pregnancies but I'm beginning to wonder if I can wait that long. My main worry is about declining fertility. We got pregnant with the Monkey in our third month of trying, which was wonderful (and a relief considering the rather obsessive manner in which I went about trying to get pregnant) but I am not assuming that the next time will be so easy. There has been a lot of press recently about the rapid decline in fertility post-35, and I was 35 earlier this year. I think if someone could guarantee me that I could wait another year and then get pregnant I would wait, but there are no guarantees and rather than risk an extended fertility journey in a year or so I wonder if we should jut be cracking on with it, IYSWIM?! My plan for now is to concentrate on losing a little weight and getting fitter (yes, the perennial problem, and so perhaps we will start trying in the New Year once we get settled in the house. Getting pregnant in the first half of next year will actually be pretty near to the gap that I was intending... fingers crossed(but not legs, ha ha).
You might have noticed that I haven't been blogging much about baking or cooking recently (and my food blog has fallen by the wayside). The reason for this has been that I'm back on the Slimming World plan. I just couldn't control my weight by trying to eat well outside of a plan, and SW is the one that I've got on best with in the past. For some reason this time the weight doesn't seem to be coming off as quickly, possibly because I am not breastfeeding as frequently? I've had a couple of social events for which I've gone 'off-plan', but I've been pretty good otherwise so the lack of weight loss is a bit depressing. I'm going to try adding a bit of exercise and will hopefully soon get the bike seat fitted so that Monkey and I can do some cycling. But for now the diet (hate that word) means that I haven't been baking much because I can only eat a very little bread and the very, very occasional cake or treat.

Style Statement {Home & Stuff}

2009-08-12T06:51:00.000-07:00

[Image of Mount Fuji and sakura blossom from Flickr]

These are the 'What Does Not Work Well For Me" home questions:

I HAVE FELT OUT OF PLACE OR INCREDIBLY UNCOMFORTABLE: I feel out of place on the occasions that I've found myself in a very business-y environment or office. I sometimes feel out of place among (what I would consider) hyper-cool people.

SOME THINGS IN MY LIVING SPACE I WANT TO TOSS BUT HAVEN'T OR CAN'T: Nothing really, I don't accumulate clutter.

THE MOST RIDICULOUS PURCHASE I EVER MADE WAS: I'm sure there is one but I can't think of it now!

MY IDEA OF AN UNAPPEALING LIVING PLACE OR CULTURE IS: I value cleanliness and hygiene so 18th century England wouldn't suit be well!

IF SOMEONE DIDN'T KNOW ME VERY WELL, THEY'D TAKE ME ON A DATE TO (AND IT WOULD BE DISASTROUS BECAUSE): A trendy nightclub would be one, or a show of some sort requiring audience participation. I *hate* clubs, they make me feel self-conscious about my weight and not feeling cool or fashionable enough. And the show would be awful because I would sit there feeling scared that I would be picked on or asked to go on stage (the horror!)

WHAT WORDS OR CONCEPTS FEEL INTRIGUING OR IMPORTANT TO YOU? It feels important to learn that although I am a very homey person I don't have many objects around me that hold memories or are 'special' in some way, or things that I've held on to for years.

WHAT THEMES ARE SHOWING UP IN YOUR ANSWERS? From these and my previous answers there are clearly themes of home, security, comfort. With a touch of luxury.

WHAT WORDS, IMAGES OR FEELINGS ARE CROSSING YOUR MIND? I'm feeling a little self-critical of my attachment to home and security, that perhaps it is a bit too much and limits me in some way. There's a sense of wanting to be more comfortable with the exotic, the different (Japan, for instance). Does my insistence on home and safety inhibit my creative edge?

Our first trip to A&E

2009-08-07T15:10:00.000-07:00

Before the drama

It happens to us all at some point I guess. Monkey and I had just returned from spending a lovely day and evening with my best girlfriend Shelley, she was playing on the lounge floor and kneeling in front of the television. She put her hand out obviously expecting something to be there but instead fell onto the glass TV cabinet, I saw it happen and heard her forehead hit the glass. She let out a huge scream and I carried her into the kitchen as I know she is often sick when she cries really hard. She held her breath after the first scream and I waited for her to inhale again... and waited... and she hadn't taken another breath. "Breathe, sweetheart, breathe". Her eyes rolled back and closed, and one frantic mama is trying to get her baby to breathe again. Less than a minute, but it felt like forever. She came back round to huge screams and cries, and was sick in the sink. I called the ambulance because she had lost consciousness and there were at the front door within 4 minutes! In that time the babe had actually stopped crying and was nestled in my arms as I frantically gathered a bag together and some keys. As we made our way to the hospital I could tell, with much relief, that she seemed to be fine. She was subdued but gave a little smile, there was a bump on the head but no broken skin (the glass is an inch thick and hadn't broken). At A&E they checked her over and waited for an hour to make sure she wasn't sick again. Dada had caught the train home from London and came to collect us. We spent a quiet evening at home, Monkey didn't want to eat but had lots of booby milk. She was a bit lethargic but also possibly because she had her MMR last week and has been a little feverish anyway. I can't even think about how it might have been worse, I'm just thankful that she is fine and that I was calm enough to (hopefully) do all of the right things. But Monkey, please don't ever do that again. Mama doesn't need any more grey hairs...

Style Statement {Home}- updated

2009-08-05T03:12:00.000-07:00

{image from here}

I FEEL MOST AT HOME: at home, indoors, curled on the sofa with my laptop, reading in bed, creating in the kitchen. When all is tidy and neat. Family near.

HOW I FEEL WHEN I'M THERE: content, calm, at peace.

WHAT I VALUE MOST ABOUT THE PLACE/ SPACE / COMMUNITY WHERE I LIVE: a little tricky because we are imminently moving to the seaside, but for now I value that I live in the suburbs but on the edge of London. Family are close. When we move I will (hopefully) value being able to see the sea every single day, and to walk along the bays and the beaches.

A FEW OBJECTS IN MY LIVING SPACE THAT I CHERISH OR TAKE GREAT PLEASURE IN: I've realised that I have little around me that I cherish (objects, that is). I don't tend to hang on to things, I de-clutter radically and often. But I've realised that this is a *want*, that I'd really like to have special things around me, objects that I connect with. For now I think it would have to be family photographs and my laptop which connects me with the world. Fresh flowers too.

MY DREAM HOME IS: hopefully, hopefully, very close.

IF I COULD HAVE BEEN BORN INTO A DIFFERENT CULTURE OR TIME PERIOD, IT WOULD HAVE BEEN: Hmm, not sure.

I LONG TO TRAVEL TO/ AND ONE OF MY FAVOURITE PLACES TO VISIT IS: I love New York. I have a longing to visit Japan (based on reading lots of Murakami and watching Lost in Translation so I'm not sure how accurate this fantasy is!).

MY PERSONAL SANCTUARY IS: Not sure I have one at the moment but a bedroom like the one in the photo above; a hot bubble bath.

I AM AT EASE THERE BECAUSE IT IS: That bedroom because it is calm, warm but uncluttered, with some luxurious and comforting touches.

A COMPLETELY LUXURIOUS/ OUTRAGEOUS THING I'D LIKE TO OWN IS: a villa on a Caribbean island. I'm sure there's more...

I COLLECT OR HAVE A LOT OF: nothing really. Oh, books, of course...

Style Statement {Style Run: An Inquiry}

2009-08-04T03:46:00.000-07:00

So here's one of the first inquiry exercises from the Style Statement book with my answers. I think the purpose of this one is just to get you warmed up and thinking creatively. Since I got the book and began thinking about these sorts of questions I find that thoughts are popping into my head all of the time, like, 'I love bubble baths', 'dazzle is a great word', and 'I must give all of my old nighties to the charity shop' (!). So now I have a new notebook to jot things down in.

WHAT ARE YOU SENSITIVE TO? Critisicm, moods, smells, injustice, narcissism.

WHAT ARE YOU MOST GRATEFUL FOR? Family, health, love, prosperity, good food.

WHAT DO YOU LIKE TO BE NOTICED FOR? Intelligence, wit, keeping a beautiful home and cooking good food. Great hair.

HOW DO YOU DEAL WITH BEING RUSHED? I would probably get quite stressed but I have a tendency to rush things myself anyway.

WHEN HAVE YOU BEEN UNEXPECTEDLY STRONG? That's easy. Giving birth.

WHEN HAVE YOU BEEN UNEXPECTEDLY VULNERABLE? Yesterday when I read what my husband had wrote about me in response to the 'Ask-A-Friend' Style Statement survey (crying in a good way).

WHAT KIND OF SHOES ARE YOU DRAWN TO? Purple ones. Mary-Janes. Suede boots. NOT stilletos.

HOW DO YOU FEEL ABOUT SHOPPING? I'm ambivalent. When the Gods of Shopping are with me I love it, if not it can be frustrating, disappointing and, at its worst, can inspire an attack of self-loathing.

HOW DO YOU FEEL IN A BOOKSTORE? At home, greedy, intoxicated.

WHAT DOES YOUR VOICE SOUND LIKE TO YOU? Too high, too young, too posh.

WHAT ARE SOME OF YOUR FAVOURITE WORDS? Tilly. Fur. Syntonic. Debacle. Lie-in. Champagne.

WHAT WOULD YOU LIKE TO REVOLUTIONIZE? Attitudes to breastfeeding and parenting/ mothering in general.

Style Statement

2009-08-03T22:50:00.000-07:00

I'm going to share with you a self-development exercise that I am embarking on. It feels a bit scary to do so in blog form, mainly because it will be a process which involves looking at and naming both my strengths and vulnerabilities, but also because it is primarily about finding my 'style', which I worry makes it all sound a bit shallow and materialistic. That's not what it's about as I envision it, and I hope it won't come across that way. Image and personal style are important to me, and I hope this process will help me refine my 'look', but I also hope it will help me to nurture and develop my creativity in an individual way, and bring me closer to myself in all senses.

The process is called Style Statement and you can read about it all here or check out the link for the book here. Here's a snippet from the book's dust jacket:

What's your style statement? Two words to live by. Your style statement defines your authentic self. It is a compass for creating a life that reflects what's true to you in every way. From your wisdom to your wardrobe, from your longings to your living room- your Style Statement is where your essence meets your experience.
Through a unique series of inquiries into what you long for, what inspires you, and what you're attracted to- as well as what doesn't work for you, Style Statement guides you to discover two profoundly descriptive words that capture your essence. Based on the 80/20 principle, the first word represents your foundation, your 80%. The second word is your creative edge- the 20% of your image that motivates and distinguishes you.
Applied with intention, your Style Statement will become a real tool for making powerful choices that inspire the spirit, look and feel of your life- a life that genuinely shines.

So why would anyone *need* a style statement, and why do I want one? For as long as I can remember I have felt that the true, honest essence of me gets obscured by fear; fear of judgement, criticism, disapproval from others. A fear of truly being myself and of making a commitment to that 'me'. I want to find my voice. I want to paint a picture of myself that resembles me, rather than what I think others want to see. I want to stop qualifying and judging myself. I want to live freely and creatively, and inspire my daughter to do the same. I love ideas and theories and different styles and ways of living, but I often get lost amid it all. I end up trying to be all things to all people. I want to know and practice a few things well instead of jumping from subject to subject, from idea to idea. Variety is good and I thrive on the feeling of recognising something new which might inspire me, but I also want to stick with it past the new-and-exciting phase, and that means knowing if a particular thing is 'me' or 'not-me'. I also hope that this process will encourage me to make an effort, for myself that is. I know I am mama to a toddler but that's not a reason to forget to cleanse and moisturise my skin, or to pull on the nearest T-shirt and jeans from a pile on the floor each morning. Aren't I worth more than that?

*****

Ah so this is interesting. I just left this post to go and make breakfast for me and the Monkey, and whaddaya know, the negative, doubting internal voices began their work:

"What makes you think anyone is interested in this?"
"You are so shallow"
"Who are you to go on about yourself like this?"
"This will be no different to any of the other things you've started doing and subsequently given up on"

So rather than let them have the last word I am going to have my reply. I know that this post might be interesting to someone because I love to read the blogs of creative women doing similar self-development work- that's how I found the book, after all. But if no one is interested, that shouldn't matter because I am doing this for myself, and I need to learn to use my internal compass rather than wait for approval or interest from others. This process is not about buying the right shoes or accumulating 'stuff' and possessions. If anything it is about reducing waste by making savvy, clever choices that are right for me. It is about coming to feel at home, at ease with myself. And finally, if I give up on this? This is where am I, presently, in this moment, and that has intrinsic value. I *hope* it will lead me somewhere and sustain my interest but it's a tool and a process, I'm not joining a religion after all!

Hopefully I will have time to post again later today with one of the first exercises from the book...

More photos

2009-07-31T13:58:00.000-07:00

You remember we went to visit the alpacas the other week? Well, they share a paddock with some goats and donkeys. On Sunday morning we went for a walk to pick some crab apples, which the donkeys very much enjoyed.

Saturday morning brunch at the Ship-Shape cafe in Ramsgate harbour

Some recent photos

2009-07-31T13:50:00.001-07:00

DH and I went to a wedding last weekend. Nanna babysat the Monkey and we stayed out Very Late. I drank far too much champagne and Baileys and was violently ill afterwards (oops). Do you like my spotty teal dress and my handsome husband?

New knitting project underway!

2009-07-31T13:44:00.000-07:00

We took a quick trip to John Lewis this morning where I chose a pattern and some yarn for my new knitting project. I'm going to make this pretty little bolero from the cover of Debbie Bliss's 'Baby Cashmerino 2' pattern book. I'm using a teal coloured yarn rather than the pale green in the picture (I think teal is my new Favourite Colour). I also treated myself to a pair of bamboo needles- so much nicer to knit with. I'll keep y'all updated on the progress.

I feel some knitting coming on...

2009-07-28T12:59:00.000-07:00

I visited the new knitting shop in our soon-to-be home town of Broadstairs last weekend and I'm pleased to report that it is gorgeous. It's full of delicious yarns (Manos and Noro amongst others), lots of good pattern books and a Knitting Club, sadly held on a Wednesday evening which will be when I am working *sniff sniff*. So the urge to knit again is upon me, but the question is What To Knit? Do I find a new pattern and start something afresh, or do I return to the work-in-progress, a pretty sage green sleeveless sweater for the Monkey? It's cute and *almost* finished except for the tricky stage of picking up stitches around the armholes and neck. I feel it might be a difficult one to start off with though, being a bit rusty after a good 3 or 4 months sans knitting. I might try something simpler and see how I get on.

Oh, and the picture? I was going to post a few Flickr photos of some inspirational knitting but here are some cats playing guitar instead. Just because.

A Lesson in Mindfulness

2009-07-21T07:49:00.001-07:00

Eat your lunch baked bean by baked bean

Botties and potties

2009-07-21T00:32:00.000-07:00

It's easy to have ideals but I'll be the first one to admit that sometimes I don't live up to the ones I hold as important. Before the Monkey was born we planned to use cloth nappies, and indeed we did for some months but then something happened (a holiday? I don't remember?) and we soon found ourselves using "eco" disposables full-time. It's been that way for 3 or 4 months now, until I read this post yesterday from Claire. I have been shamed out of my complacence and back into cloth (thank you, Claire). Here's the photographic evidence, one happy Monkey in a Tots Bots bamboozle and Motherease wrap this morning:

And the other evidence? A £40 hole in our paypal account, a couple more bamboozles and an Itti Bitti D'lish in lime on the way!

Spot the Difference

2009-07-19T14:14:00.000-07:00

My Husband

An Alpaca

Meandering, random thoughts...

2009-07-17T12:45:00.000-07:00

It's all quiet over here. I'm enjoying reading my favourite bloggers but haven't had much to write about myself. I've a few photos on my other 'puter that I'll post when I'm back at home, and here's a link to a little video of the Monkey doing some gardening! Unfortunately most of the herbs had already bitten the dust and even her watering efforts won't be able to revive them. I have got some rather lovely tomato plants which are doing well, they will (hopefully) be my first ever harvest.

I feel like I *should* have lots to say but I seem to be experiencing a period of just 'being', lazy days flopping around on the sofa with Monkey, watching too much television, dodging rain showers and reading a little. The days seem to be gone in no time at all, a trip to the shops, preparing the evening meal, a stroll in the afternoon- where does the time go? I'm feeling content, waiting for our move to happen (still looking at the end of August) and making house plans. I'm working too of course, I'm seeing about 5 clients a week at the moment which doesn't sound like a lot but a couple of those are fairly troubled people, plus there's the bundle of energy that is my 13 month old to look after. Yesterday we met a friend for lunch and walked around the park, I swear she must have toddled half a mile on her little feet! This weekend we are down at the coast and although it is raining right now I'm hoping we can get to the beach tomorrow for a couple of hours. We are also going to the new house to do some measuring up. I can't wait, we haven't seen it since we made our offer way back at Easter! I'm meeting a psychotherapist tomorow who I'm hoping will become my new clinical supervisor, it will be good to make some connections down this way.

I'm currently reading this book, 'Body Shopping', by Donna Dickenson. I've only read the first chapter but it's fascinating and thought-provoking. It is about the commodification of the body, the sale of body tissue, organs, genetic material etc., and asks whether we 'own' our bodies? At one end of the scale would be something like sperm donation right through to traficking in organs and material from corpses. A few horror stories too, some which genuinely made my jaw drop. My friend Dany has a weekly podcast and interviewed the author last week, which was what prompted me to order the book. The podcast is called 'A Pair of Continents' and features my friend in London and her friend Steve in Atlanta chatting about random, usually topical things, each week they interview someone and it tends to be popular science-related or sometimes about scepticism or atheism. If you're interested, give 'em a listen. They've got about a thousand subscribers from all around the world, which is pretty cool.

Unlike many people I won't be going to see the new Harry Potter movie. DH and I have been slowly working our way through the audiobooks read by Stephen Fry- we need more long car journeys to get through them all!

I've been cooking...
Savoury organic mince with new potatoes, lamb biryani (a real success!), vegetable chilli, stir-fry noodles and veg, and stewed rhubarb which I plan to use to make frozen yoghurt. My blender broke this week, I was trying to make a smoothie and the ice just cracked straight through the plastic. I probably should have checked that I could crush ice but at least it's another point in favour of getting a Kitchenaid or Magimix food processor *swoons ever so slightly*.

Spare a thought for... my poor husband who has got cellulitis in his foot from an infected mosquito bite. He's upstairs in bed with the shivers, poor thing.

My baby is a toddler

2009-07-08T14:06:00.000-07:00

Something has happened in our family, a transition. It happened quietly, smoothly, seamlessly, comfortably. My baby goes to bed without me. In fact, she is now a toddler (but of course she is still my baby). It began about a week ago, I fed her until I thought she was asleep and put her in her cot, but she wasn't fully asleep and rather than getting upset and imploring me to carry her back to my lap and my breast she simply lay on her front, whimpered a little and dropped off to sleep. Each night since then we have simply carried her up to bed when she has shown signs of tiredness and popped her in her cot. She kneels down and then, with her bum in the air like this, she falls asleep:

For the last two nights her daddy has put her to bed as I've been at work. I'm really happy for him, and I'm thrilled that she can soothe herself to sleep. And a little part of me is sad that our bedtime-feeding routine is no longer. This is ironic because for months I bemoaned the fact that she needed to nurse to sleep and was fretting about how to get her to go to sleep by herself. Isn't it amazing that I didn't have to do anything? I didn't 'get' her to sleep, she did it all by herself. And I certainly didn't have to train her or condition her behaviour in any way.

My baby needs me still, of course, but she needs me in different ways. She still wants me to carry her, but she also wants me to hold her hand as she walks. She wants to breastfeed but she also wants bread and cream cheese. She wants her mummy, but she also lights up when her daddy comes home from work. I can't cling to her baby-ness, I have to let her grow and explore, but of course I still have to nurture and protect her, she is still so small and so new, and the world is so big.

Showers

2009-07-07T07:12:00.000-07:00

So here's a little update from us. It's a showery day today and I got absolutely drenched walking back from work through the park. It was one of those heavy downpours that there was no point sheltering from, especially as I had no umbrella or coat! No choice but to just be (wet). I had a lovely day on Friday, taking Monkey up to London. We met a good friend, who I hadn't seen for ages, and took a walk through Hyde Park up to Baker Street, where we met my Mum who had come to mind the Monkey for an hour while I met my clinical supervisor. Monkey and Nanna sat in Regents Park for a while with some baby ducks for company. We then walked all the way through the park to Camden and had a delicious lunch. Someone flirted and charmed her way through lunch with the waiters, I'll give you just one guess who!

We are going to swimming class now on a Thursday morning. It's just for half an hour and I don't find the instructor particularly inspiring but it does give Monkey some experience in the pool which is important given that we are going to be having a swimming pool in the garden. I don't like seeing children splashing around with armbands, I think it gives them a false sense of security and I would rather Monkey learns to swim as early as possible. And the best thing about swimming? These wrinkled baby feet!

Here's my latest mini-crush, Casey Affleck. We watched the movie 'Gone Baby Gone' the other night and jolly good it is too.

We are still in Sidcup but hoping that the Big Move will happen at the end of August. Everything is still going to plan, fingers crossed, and I'm hoping we might get to be living beside the seaside before Autumn sets in. It's a very exiting time but I'm keen to get things moving, after all, it was just before Easter when we made the offer on the house. Goodness, the heavens have just opened! We have a primary school just opposite us and there is heavy rain, thunder and lightning just as the school day ends. Monkey and I are going to stand and watch the umbrellas and the children screaming with excitement as they run for cover. Stay dry y'all!

Scenes from the park

2009-07-01T14:25:00.000-07:00

Cartoon: A Famous Person Has Died

2009-06-30T09:17:00.000-07:00

Recognisable to anyone who, like me, can't help watching BBC News 24. Very apt, very funny!

http://laughingsquid.com/a-famous-person-has-died-by-john-campbell/

Stuff and whatnot

2009-06-30T05:21:00.000-07:00

Photo from here, also see Etsy shop here.

Isn't the weather just divine? I wish I was having this picnic, and I wish we were beside the sea rather than stuck here in the 'burbs. The Monkey is crashed out in her cot after spending a couple of hours in Nanny and Grandad's garden while I was at work. She's great at the moment, getting more confident on her feet, sleeping amazingly well, I feel very fortunate to have her around. She's the best. Her daddy was away for a couple of days last week in Cannes, so it's good to have him back too. I'm still trying to be mindful of what I am eating, although I'm finding that my resolve slips as we approach the end of the week and I get a bit tired of cooking from scratch and start fantasising about takeaways. The hot weather helps as it decreases my appetite anyway. I've been losing about 2lbs a week so far, which feels healthy and sustainable and hopefully will ease my passage into the funky new dress I've bought for some upcoming summery parties!

On Saturday I attended a professional workshop on CBT for Depression. It's the first professional development workshop I've done since I had the baby and it really reinforced to me that I need regular events like this both to update my skills but also to network with other therapists. Working in private practice can be quite isolating and it can rapidly become quite stultifying, just this one workshop has sparked ideas and plans and re-ignited my interest in my work. I've decided that once a month I am going to set aside a whole day for CPD and ask one of the grandparents to have the baby. I'll do a workshop as frequently as possible and if not, I'll go into London and spend the day reading or researching. When I was doing my MA dissertation I loved spending the entire day in Borders coffee shop, I'd gather a pile of books on my way up and just work my way through them. I've wholeheartedly enjoyed my first year of motherhood but until now work has felt like an intrusion into my time rather than a welcome additional facet to my life. I didn't realise until Saturday that my professional confidence has really taken a nosedive and I need to do something about that. Work is quiet at the moment, the flow of referrals is more a trickle, so it's the perfect time to do something constructive, particularly as we are still in the limbo of being on-the-way-to-moving-house.

And on a completely random note, can anyone tell me how to 'strike through' text on Blogger?

Compare and Contrast

2009-06-24T15:20:00.000-07:00

Tilly 2008

Mama 1974

Tilly 2008

Mama 1974

Mama 1975

Tilly 2009

Mama & Nanna 1975

Tilly & Mama 2009

Emmetts Garden

2009-06-20T11:17:00.000-07:00

We all woke up late this morning- at 9.03am to be exact! After a quick snuggle/feed we got up an wondered how to spend the day. After spending most of the week at home with the Monkey I really wanted to go out for a few hours, Dave on the other hand had had a busy week at work and was looking forward to relaxing at home. I can completely understand, he has quite a glamorous job, gets wined and dined and his days are very social. Because he is the best husband in the world ever, he found a promotional code for the National Trust, joined us up and found a garden 30 minutes drive away. It was called Emmetts Garden, near Westerham in Kent. We wandered around the gardens, saw some amazing trees and a wonderful view across the countryside to Hever, Ashdown Forest and Bough Beech reservoir. We had a lovely bowl of vegetable soup with seeded bread, sitting outside on some picnic benches. And then we came back home. We were only out for a couple of hours but it was a perfect way to get some fresh air and a change of scenery.

Natural History Newsflash: Monkey evolves to walk on two feet

2009-06-20T08:17:00.000-07:00

Yay! 3lbs lost

2009-06-17T06:06:00.000-07:00

I've been blogging a bit about food and diet on my new blog, WholeHearted. It's been a week now of eating sensibly and primarily whole/ organic foods, and I've lost 3lbs! It's not a Diet with a capital 'D', and as such I am hoping to demonstrate that eating Good Food can be as slimming as eating Less Food. The shopping, preparation and cooking is time-consuming but worthwhile, it's always good to discover new recipes, the ones you'll make again and the ones that get consigned to the dustbin (not that there have been any of those!). To celebrate my success I have got banana, caramel and chocolate chip muffins in the oven, ha ha!

Rainbow Bookshelf

2009-06-16T07:52:00.001-07:00

I love this rainbow bookshelf (photo from here) and I've probably got enough books to recreate it but... how would you ever find the book you needed?!

Crayonning

2009-06-16T01:40:00.000-07:00

Monkey has discovered a box of crayons in her play basket. She loves them, all 40 of them, in bright colours and preferably tipped out of the box and spread all over the floor. I found myself trying to demonstrate to her what they did, taking the crayon and drawing, or placing the crayon in her hand and holding it while moving the crayon across the paper. She wasn't interested and didn't really notice that lines were being created. So I gave up, even trying to put the crayons away, which Monkey objected to so I gave up and left her to it. Crayons are for crayonning, I thought.

This morning I just watched her. I noticed her looking at the scribbles of colour that the crayons had left in the bottom of the box. She put the box down and continued playing. But in that moment I understood that I don' actually need to show her how crayons work. She will figure it out for herself, and that will be an infinitely more useful process to her than my direction would ever be.

2 years ago...

2009-06-15T13:54:00.000-07:00

... I became Mrs Clark. A happy day.

A Plea...

2009-06-11T14:42:00.000-07:00

A plea to those members of the general public who exclaim that my daughter is "tiny". I don't tell you that your son/ daughter is fat/ bald/ ugly, so please keep it to yourself.

(okay, so I'm a bit tetchy about this at the moment but it happens every single time we are out and I'm really struggling to just smile sweetly and nod)

I took the Monkey to get weighed at the clinic yesterday. We haven't been in months but I wanted to know how she was doing in advance of our hospital check-up in a week's time. She's now 14lbs 11oz, so she's put on 11oz since the end of March. She's still under the 0th centile but I'm really not so fussed and the HV was pretty cool about it too. But I'm starting to worry about how it will affect her, being the "tiny" one. Will she be babied by the other children when she gets to playgroup or school? Will she feel self-conscious about her size? What about when she begins to understand when people say how tiny she is? Maybe she understands it now? I'm even worrying about whether we will find a school uniform to fit her, as she is 1 now and still wears 3-6 month baby clothes. I know I'm being a bit silly, and I certainly don't want to create an issue out of it but I does concern me. Will she be strong in personality to compensate for being small in stature? She is certainly showing signs of that!

Is the fact that I am even writing all of this an indication that I want her to be different in some way, that she isn't 'okay' as she is? We have the precious gift of a bright, healthy, happy little girl, that's all that should matter.

A Corner Of My Home

2009-06-10T09:42:00.000-07:00

A newly tidied baking cupboard

Gratitude Journal

2009-06-09T12:33:00.000-07:00

I stumbled upon this blog by Carla Kay White. She has created a Gratitude Journal application for the Iphone, which I downloaded this evening. It's a nice idea and a lovely app, so I thought I'd share my entry for today (which was a bit of a challenging day).

Today I was grateful for...

the opportunity to watch my busy daughter squeeze every last drop from the day;
a scrumptious veg box delivery (watermelon and nectarines, yum!);
a second day of eating well;
a firm offer on the house;
the fact that I didn't shout, even though I felt like it.

Balls etc

2009-06-08T13:44:00.001-07:00

Just a few Monkey photos from the last few days. We went to the park and saw some baby ducks. I didn't realise that there was a huge children's playground at the big park, with water sprinklers and lots of fun things for children to do. It was polling day on Thursday and most of the primary schools were closed, consequently there were a zillion children playing in the sun. Monkey and I lay on a blanket, or rather I lay on the blanket and the Monkey clambered all over me, practicing her standing-up.

On Sunday we went to a 1st birthday party and Monkey played in the ball pit, as you can see! She loves balls but seems to prefer them individually rather than en masse. After the children's party we went to a 50th wedding anniversary party where the babe was greatly adored and admired. We heard the fantastic news that friends of ours, whose son sadly died in December when he was only a few weeks old, are expecting a new baby.

We went to Calais on Saturday for the day. The least said about that the better! What a horrible place!

I can't think of what else to write about this evening. I'm not feeling very crafty at the moment, and I haven't picked up any knitting for literally months. Isn't knitting more of a winter activity anyway? Summers are for the beach, the garden, the kitchen...

Introducing my new blog, WholeHearted

2009-06-05T13:12:00.000-07:00

I've decided to create a new blog, WholeHearted, as a place to record my thoughts and 'doings' about diet, food and health. I could ramble on for ages about my weight, to the point where I start to bore even myself, so I thought I would channel those energies into something more productive. My aim is to to post meal planners, recipes, book recommendations and pretty much anything diet or health-related, as long as it has a reasonaly wholefoods/ organic element to it. I don't want it to be about faddy diets or quick-fix solutions. I'd also really like to open it out to other contributors, so please come and visit, and if you like what you see, consider joining me. I've created the blog on Wordpress rather than Blogger, so it's a new thing for me to get the hang of but I think I can create permissions for other authors, you may just need to sign up for a (free) Wordpress account. I look forward to seeing you at WholeHearted!

A Different Food Story...

2009-06-02T13:54:00.000-07:00

This is a more positive 'food' post. If you'd told me even two months ago that I could make my little girl a supper of pasta in tomato sauce with roasted courgette and watch her pick it up and eat her with her hands, I would have struggled to believe you. But here she is, and it warms my heart to see her do it. She's still a tiny girl, a dot, a dolly, but she's eating, and it's such a relief.

Weighty matters

2009-05-30T11:34:00.001-07:00

I feel really fat today, and as often happens when I'm feeling low about the way I look, I over-eat. Which makes me feel worse, of course. I just seem to swing between feeling reasonably okay with myself, and really wanting to lose weight. I can think of lots of reasons to lose the weight:

I want to be healthier in general but also with a view to making another baby in 12 months or so;
I want to feel more at home in my body, and therefore more attractive. I find it hard to feel sexy when I look like this.
I want to dress more creatively and my weight prevents me from doing that because so much doesn't suit me now I'm a size 16/18.
We're moving to the seaside and I don't want to be sitting on the beach in my maternity swimsuit.

I could probably go on but I won't. Yesterday I visited a good friend who has just lost around 3 stone on the Slimming World plan. I am so pleased for her and she looks fantastic, but goodness I was so envious of her. I fantasize endlessly about what it would feel like to shed that much weight, how good it would feel to be able to shop wherever I liked, not to be hiding under cardigans and jeans. But I just can't seem to give up this obsession with food. And I don't use that word lightly, I really do feel obsessed with food. I become terribly anxious if I don't know when and what I am next eating. I always need to feel full, and my choices from a menu are often based upon how large I estimate the portion to be, rather than what tempts my tastebuds. I actually feel quite embarrassed writing that.

I would like to be able to just cut down on the amount I eat and to slowly readjust to a healthier weight, but that doesn't seem possible. I think the only way I can tackle this is to follow a slimming plan, probably Slimming World as this is the one I've got along with best (and I also think it's the healthiest as there is no calorie restriction). I have two issues with this though. First is simply my lack of willpower and the difficulty in avoiding 'bad' foods, particularly as my husband and I are fortunate enough to eat out often. I don't have a very sweet tooth but I do crave Indian food and other savoury takeaway food. I can cook a great curry myself but it just doesn't hit the spot. The dieter's feeling of being deprived builds up insidiously until the Wanted Thing becomes the only thing thought about. My second 'problem' with following a conventional diet plan is that in order for it to succeed I have to be as obsessed with food as I am when I am not dieting. It's just swapping out-of-control for total control, but what I really want is to be somewhere in the middle. I just don't know how to get there. I've been seeing a homeopathic practitioner about this issue, which has been fascinating but hasn't cracked it yet. She has approached it from a more holistic angle and her consultations have delved into the root of the problem, my lack of confidence. That perhaps what is stopping me from losing weight is the fear of truly showing or revealing myself. This, I guess, is similar to Susie Orbach's thesis in Fat Is A Feminist Issue, that the weight is a cushion or shield from the world.

Is analysis any use though? I've had five years of therapy and I haven't changed (with regard to this particular issue). I wrote my MA thesis about women and body image as part of working-through: nothing changed. Do I just need a kick up the backside, an injection of self-discipline and motivation? That's how it appears to me now, that I need to go back to the slimming group, avoid eating out, plan my menu well in advance and just bloody well stick to it.

Answers on a postcard please (or alternatively just post a comment!)

Monkey's Tea Party

2009-05-29T01:42:00.000-07:00

The Duck Cake, courtesy of Nanna

It went down very well!

A family afternoon

Opening presents

Thank you all for your good wishes, both to the Monkey and to me. We had a lovely day yesterday, and it really did feel like a celebration. I had a last-minute dash to Sainsbury's for party snacks (not a single home-made thing, I was being easy on myself!), bought a couple of helium balloons, spread some blankets and toys out in the garden and hey-presto, we had ourselves a tea party. Both sets of grandparents were there, plus one Great-Nanna, five Mummy and Daddy friends with their babies. Best of all, Daddy was able to be there. Nanna's duck cake looked perfect and tasted delicious. Monkey had lots of cards and some beautiful presents including a wooden shape sorter and some Osteheimer animals (the African animals). I was pleased that she wasn't snowed under with gifts, and that she received lots of lovely books.

Now we move onto the next year, and I've a feeling that this will contain some significant challenges in terms of coping with strong feelings and a determined, willful little girl! It's something I'm not at all confident about managing well, but I'm sure we'll do our best for her.

365 Days

2009-05-27T16:11:00.000-07:00

One day turns into the next. My baby girl is one year old today. I am completely taken aback by how emotional I feel right now. I hadn't thought that this would be a Big Deal but oh my, it is. I'd been wondering, perhaps because she is too young to know what a birthday was, how to 'do' this day? I have only just realised that actually there is so very much to celebrate. We have been a family for one year, we have survived the sleepless nights, the anxiety and the worry. A year of breastfeeding. A year of loving and laughing. Of being Good Enough. And so I celebrate my first year of mothering. The champagne is in the fridge chilling and in the morning I go to buy balloons.

This time last year I was in labour. The midwives had been at the house for a couple of hours and I was probably about to get into the pool. I've just looked on my Mum's Club forum and found the birth story that I posted, I'll copy it at the end of this post. It all seems so long ago, the memories so unclear and hazy. I wish I could replay it all back and remember it well, there are so many gaps and inconsistencies. I want to know when Dave called my parents and what he said, I want to remember what my body was feeling, whether I felt an urge to push and whether I felt my baby turning and moving her way down. Next time, I want to be present and remember.

I gave birth to Matilda Beatrice on Wednesday 28th May at 11.33am (40+4). She weighed 7lbs 15oz and has a mass of beautiful dark hair. Matilda was posterior throughout most of pregnancy, so I was quite surprised to go into labour spontaneously on the Tuesday afternoon. My Braxton Hicks had become a little painful and were very regular, lasting 45 seconds and at 5 minute intervals. I didn't believe I was *really* in labour, but I put the Tens machine on and bounced on my ball. At 9pm we called the midwife out (she greeted us with the slightly unnerving announcement that she'd never done a waterbirth before) and I was expecting her to tell me to just try and get some sleep, but when she examined me I was 4 cms dilated. I don't know if she was rougher than she should be, but that first internal was absolutely excruciating.

DH inflated the pool, and I lit candles and burned some oils... I tried to eat something but all I could manage was a few spoons of ice cream with sugar sprinkles! The midwife asked me to delay getting into the pool because my temperature was rising and she was concerned that I might have an infection, but we cooled the house down a little and it stopped increasing. I spent a couple of hours labouring in the pool as the contractions became more painful. The midwives had managed to bring two almost-empty cannisters of entenox, which was frustrating.

As things progressed I became quite disheartened and negative... for some reason I just didn't believe that the baby was going to be born, or that I could 'do it', and I started asking to go to hospital for an epidural! DH and the midwives were great, giving me a good talking to, telling me I could do it. I got out of the pool for an examination and didn't get back in because I was finding it a bit warm and claustrophobic. I had a lot of pain in my bottom during contractions, and sort of 'hung' with the midwife supporting me. (I had two midwives present throughout my labour).

At 6am my membranes were ruptured by the midwife, with what felt like a very blunt hook... it was unbelievably painful and quite distressing, but the relief was immense when they went. Soon after, there was a change of shift and the midwife who had taken care of me during the pregnancy arrived, bringing with her a much needed gentle, calm yet confident demeanour. I had to wait to dilate a little more because I had a cervical lip, but by about 7.30am I was ready to push, and did so, unexpectedly, in our spare room.

I don't remember much of the 2nd stage, but I know I was again quite despondent and didn't believe I could get the baby out. There was a ray of light when I was told that the baby's head was visible, and that she had lots of hair... DH and I had a little cry :-) I pushed at home for a good hour and a half, but by this point was exhausted and begging to go to hospital (even though the midwife kept reminding me that I couldn't have an epidural now!). We agreed to try for two more contractions, and then we made the call for an ambulance. At this point my contractions were also weakening, so it seemed the safest thing to do. You might remember that I posted about my fear of going to hospital in an ambulance... well, it was absolutely fine and as requested we had no lights or sirens.

My midwife Karen transferred with me, and although we thought I might need a ventouse or forceps, by the time I got to the delivery suite we were told it was unnecessary and baby was nearly here. I was given an episiotomy but I think I was quite out of my body as I was struggling to listen to the midwife's instructions about when to push and when not to. Crowning was of course excruciating, but we got the head out and then Matilda was born with the next contraction. I only used gas & air throughout, and I do feel very proud of myself!

I had a physiological third stage, and delivered the placenta in about 15 mins. Matilda was put straight on to my chest and DH cut her cord after it had finished pulsating. In that respect my birth plan was honoured and I feel very happy about that.

Things went a little pear-shaped after delivery, in that I bled into where I'd been sutured, resulting in a haematoma. The 4 hours after delivery are a haze, DH reports that I had 5 midwives around the bed trying to hold me down, I was in so much pain. They manually evacuated it twice, but at 4pm I was taken into theatre and (ironically, after no pain relief during the labour) was operated on under epidural. I lost a lot of blood and was given a transfusion later that evening; Matilda stayed with me except when I was in theatre obviously.

Unfortunately that night Matilda's breathing was a little laboured, and she was taken for a chest x-ray and a lumbar puncture, which showed signs of infection. She was immediately started on iv antibiotics, and we had to stay in hospital for 7 days whilst she completed the course. We were together on the post-natal ward throughout, and she showed no ill-effects of the infection or treatment.

Our transfer to hospital was fortuitous given Matilda's infection and my bleed. I don't regret going in, and I'm glad we spent the majority of our time at home. I found the labour scarier and more painful than I ever allowed myself to think during the pregnancy, and I think that the overwhelming pain and fear made it quite hard to do a lot of what I had imagined I would do in labour- the pain just overtook everything else. My positive experience of hospital treatment and the AMAZING staff in the delivery suite and on the ward has been an unexpected positive outcome and challenged my negative beliefs.

Phew, that was long!

Sam & Matilda Beatrice
1 week & 1 day

8 Things...

2009-05-27T05:47:00.000-07:00

I've been tagged by Rach at Three Little Monkeys... rather than tagging anyone please just join in if you like and add a comment so I can find yours!

8 Things I Am Looking Forward To

My Monkey's first birthday tomorrow!
If it ever happens, moving into our new home by the seaside. And decorating it. And living there happily ever after with my lovely hubby.
Getting some chickens.
Family birthday lunch on Saturday.
My next lie-in, whenever that might be!
Scampi, chips and peas for supper tonight.
Some sunny weather (purrrlease!).
Spending time with my bestest girlfriend this weekend.

8 Things I Did Yesterday

Saw 4 clients.
Made a lovely supper of roasted veg with harissa, houmous, falafel and couscous.
Manically spent 90 mins tidying the house for a viewing that lasted about 3 minutes.
Showered.
Enjoyed watching the Monkey's new 'trick' of babbling into a pretend phone.
Saw DH sneak home with birthday pressies (no, I haven't looked!).
Stroked the cats and chased away the neighbourhood Evil Ginger Bully.
Tried, and failed, to learn blanket stitch.

8 Things I Wish I Could Do

Blanket stitch, lol!
Play the piano.
Speak another language fluently.
Lose weight. Sorry, that has to be the dullest and most predictable answer ever.
Remember to do my pelvic floor exercises (oops TMI!)
Be better at having arguments, i.e. deal with anger more effectively.
Add an extra 2 hours on to each day specifically for reading.
Write a novel, or poetry, or a children's book.

8 Shows I Watch (or listen to, for I am including the radio here!)

The Great British Menu
The Today Programme, R4
Woman's Hour, R4
The Apprentice (if you also enjoy The Apprentice, watch this, but be warned, tis a little rude in parts)
Battlestar Galactica
The West Wing
Secret Millionaire
E.R. (for which I am currently in mourning and have saved the last 2, unwatched, episodes on SkyPlus for when I am strong enough to cope with the loss)

A few holiday photos

2009-05-26T14:33:00.000-07:00

The seafront at San Sebastian... and a blob has appeared on my camera lens, boo-hoo!

Me and my hubby, in Biarritz

Monkey and I outside our bed & breakfast in Jurancon, nr Pau.

This B&B was a real find, on the edge of the Pyrenees and with its own vineyard (and wine!)

Monkey and her friend Mylo looking snug in their mei tais

Intermission Over!

2009-05-26T14:14:00.000-07:00

I'm back, and blogging again. It's been absolutely ages, sorry for disappearing. We've been back from holiday since Friday but I just haven't felt inclined to post. Sometimes I find myself in a phase of just reading other people's blogs (and immensely enjoying them) but not really feeling like I've got much to say myself. And then of course there is the perennial battle: do I read a book (fiction? non-fiction? something work-related?), do I craft, do I bake... or do I aimlessly surf the internet and get lost jumping stepping-stones from blog to blog (via Amazon, Myriad etc)?

There's not a lot of news chez nous. It is the Monkey's first birthday on Thursday and at the last minute I've decided to throw a little tea party for her, just Grandparents and a couple of her baby friends. I can't believe she is going to be one. I'm sure a lot of you know how that feels! Today she has started putting wooden blocks or a glasses case to her ear and babbling into it as if she is on a phone. Part of me is so thrilled because it is deliciously cute and adorable, the other part of me is slightly concerned that the first little 'trick' she has learned involved miming her parents being on a mobile phone. Oh the times they are a changing.. and all that.

House news, well, there isn't much. It's all still going ahead, but at a snail's pace.

I'm reading a really interesting biography by Allegra Huston (John Huston's daughter and Anjelica Huston's sister). It's called Love Child, it's not the sort of thing I usually read but I heard her on Radio 4 and I liked what I heard and so bought the book. It's a Hollywood memoir but from the perspective of a girl who didn't really belong in that environment. She's clearly very intelligent and the book is more about her sense of not belonging and her unconventional family than a 'dish-the-dirt' type memoir.

Not much crafting going on... I'm attempting to make a birthday crown for Monkey from The Creative Family but it's very slow progress; I've cut out the felt but I need to teach myself blanket stitch before I can continue. I foresee a few late nights ahead....

Quick Friday Five...

2009-05-07T16:12:00.000-07:00

...Things I'm Loving

Green & Black's organic chocolate hazelnut spread. Surely this can't have been created by mortal hands?
Kirstie's Handmade Home on Channel 4. Patchwork quilting, spinning, knitting, on prime time television, yay!
Monkey's first shoes. Even though they only had pink ones in her size.
Mummy's new shoes (oops)
My new chicken book.

Bedtime Tears

2009-05-07T13:51:00.000-07:00

The tears in question are the Monkey's and Mummy's. Bedtime is something that has been hovering in my mind for a while now. I've always breastfed Monkey to sleep and then once she's asleep, transferred her to her cot. It's the easiest and most reliable way to get her to bed, and of course it's also lovely for her. There are a couple of issues with this, the first being that she is dependent on me to get her to sleep. Daddy just won't do, which is hard for him because I know he'd love to be able to settle her. It is also hard on me at times, because although I enjoy our evening snuggles I also find myself getting impatient if she doesn't fall asleep quickly enough. The other difficulty with this bedtime routine is that she has become rather cot-phobic. She has to be FAST asleep when I put her in, otherwise she wakes immediately and cries. In the mornings when she wakes she now cries immediately to come out, whereas previously she might play with her toys a little or talk to herself. During the day I can't sit her down in her cot while I run a bath or shower, it causes instant and vocal disapproval. So, for a while now I've wanted to change things. I don't want to do controlled crying, I don't expect her to get herself to sleep entirely by herself, but I do feel that it would be beneficial for her to develop a more positive relationship with her sleeping space and for us to accustom her to being there whilst awake. I feel that by putting her in the cot when she is asleep and taking her out as soon as she wakes we are almost reinforcing to her that the cot is a Bad Place.

What has stopped me making a change before now is that our little girl gets very upset when my nipple is taken from her mouth, and even more upset the moment her body touches the cot mattress. We have on a couple of occasions left her to cry a short while to see if she would drop off but she has got distressed and so have we, we've abandoned trying to do things differently because we've questioned whether the change is worth the upset. But whose upset? I think this is a crucial question for me. I've rationalised leaving things as they are by referring to AP principles and telling myself that I am meeting her needs by nursing her to sleep, being a Good Mother. That may well be true, but I now believe that the real reason is that I am meeting my own need, in particular my need not to feel bad or to have to deal with my daughter's anger or upset. This is why I haven't persisted with a gentle and kind change to Monkey's routine. Doing this gently and kindly means (to me) staying with her if she cries and until she falls asleep, and doing whatever I can to soothe her whilst she remains in her cot.

Now the mistake I made is not thinking this through in advance, and deciding on the spur of the moment that perhaps tonight was the night that she should go to sleep in her cot. Not one of my better ideas considering that I was going out for my massage at 8pm and MIL was coming round to babysit. After almost an hour or stroking and singing, Monkey was in her cot, sans nipple, but defiantly not asleep and crying hard whenever I moved away. I decided, rightly or wrongly, to leave anyway and MIL came upstairs to sit with her. I asked her to try to soothe her for another ten minutes or so, and then to get her out of the cot if she was still upset.

I felt awful leaving. I felt terrible that my actions were the cause of her distress. But the massage was a gift, not because of the healing touch (my muscles were tensing up again as fast as my massage therapist could release them) but because it gave me the time to process what was happening for me. I realised that this was not so much about choosing a particular style of parenting, and for the first time I felt quite certain about the course of action I had chosen. No, the core of this issue was my fear of disapproval. I can't bear ruptured relationships, I go out of my way to avoid conflict, I avoid anger and I submerge my own needs in the face of another's. Lying on the massage couch I found my mind concocting terrible scenarios of the baby falling ill, being rushed to hospital and me not being there. My punishment for making her do something she didn't want to do. I found myself desperate for the massage to end, to be able to go home and make it all better. And it all began to become clearer, that this is a familiar pattern for me, this is something that is hard for me. It might not be absolutely necessary for Monkey to be able to settle in her cot, but it is something I want for her. This is the first of many battles of will, and I need to get my head around that, I need to get comfortable with providing boundaries, saying no, being the parent. Hopefully in a gentle, collaborative way, but it is unrealistic to hope that it will always be like that. Monkey is a cherished, adored, calm and peaceful baby, our bond is strong enough to withstand her temporary anger and frustration.

UPDATE:

All was well with the Monkey when we woke (late) this morning, we've had a lovely day meeting with two friends and their May babies. This evening I felt a lot better giving the new 'routine' another try. When she first started showing signs of tiredness we snuggled up on the sofa for booby and cuddles. When she seemed ready for bed I took her upstairs and lay her in the cot, and she started to cry. I hummed a tune and rubbed her back, and she nuzzled into her quilt and soft rabbit, the crying almost immediately changed to a sing-song moan, and over the next five minutes she gradually drifted off to sleep. I couldn't believe it! I'm not going to jinx myself by claiming this as a remarkable success, I think it's more likely that she was exhausted from the day's exploits. But a nice, stress-free bedtime, and now Mummy and Daddy are going to snuggle up themselves!

Book Sharing Monday

2009-04-27T09:04:00.001-07:00

Can we join Book Sharing Monday?! Before I do, these fantastic personalised bookplates arrived today from Etsy. You can't see very clearly but the image is of The Owl and The Pussycat. They are just gorgeous and I can't wait to put them in the Monkey's books. You can find Oiseaux here.

And our first bookshare is Splat the Cat, by Rob Scotton. I've chosen it because it is the first book that the Monkey has connected with. She squeals with delight when she turns the pages and sees Splat. I think it's because Splat bears more than a passing resemblance to our own Lady Macbeth (see top photo).

The story is about Splat's first day at school. He is very nervous and doesn't want to go, but he gets there in the end, bringing his friend Seymour the mouse. At school Splat learns that cats are AMAZING, they climb trees, drink milk and... chase mice!! Oh no, poor Seymour! You'll have to read the book to see how Seymour saves the day.

Splat's tail wiggled wildly with worry!

Tassajara Bread!

2009-04-26T09:57:00.001-07:00

Following on from my previous breadmaking efforts, today saw me with the luxury of a day at home with DH to keep an eye on the Monkey, the perfect opportunity for my first attempt at the full Tassajara yeasted bread recipe. It's time and labour intensive but oh my! We've just had the first taste of a warm loaf with butter and organic jam and it is absolutely delicious. Much, much lighter than the bread I made with the Hovis recipe and the fast-acting yeast. I won't go into all of the details, but here's a few photos of the process. With this method you make a 'sponge' first by stirring some of the flour into the warm water, sweetening (I used molasses) and powdered milk. That mixture is left to rise:

You then fold in the salt, oil and the rest of the flour, turn it onto a floured board and begin to knead. Into the airing cupboard again...

It was amazing kneading this bread, it felt like a living creature!

For this recipe I used Doves Barn organic flour (about half and half wholemeal and white). Voila! Two loaves (1 x 1lb tin and 1 x 2lb tin) and six Monkey-sized poppy-seeded rolls.

From the Monkey House this week

2009-04-24T11:37:00.001-07:00

With the sunny weather the Monkey at last gets to wear some clothes that were bought for her as a newborn, like this cute floral romper she has at last grown into (just checking her emails here in the pic)

Monkey has had a bit of a cold this week, the increased mucus has meant a few projectile vomiting incidents. And a lot more washing. If only she could mop the floor as well...

We walked to the duck pond and met these two, who were very vocal. Babe LOVES the ducks and goes "Ooooooohhhh" (in the manner of a rather camp queen) when we get there. Getting out of the house each day is an absolute must, especially now that she is even more of a handful. Cupboard doors are starting to get opened, there are hands in the cats' bowls, curiosity about the stairs and her new favourite pastime: emptying the contents of bags.

It's been a pretty uneventful week; DH has been working long hours and I've just cottoned on to the fact that Monkey and I won't see very much of him at all during the week once we've moved to Broadstairs. Making new friends and sourcing a reliable babysitter will be a priority for me, even if it's just to go to a class or see a friend one evening a week. A couple of weekends ago we were walking down the High Street in Broadstairs, passing by the craft and wool shop, I gave DH a little nudge and wink (thinking, here I shall be spending some time and money!). Imagine my surprise when, a few shops farther down, I spy a brand new yarn shop! Selling Manos and Noro, would you believe? I've taken it to be A Sign that we are destined to live there. We are in limbo regarding our onward move. We've not heard any bad news, the house is still under offer and the estate agents are no longer marketing it, but we've heard nothing more about the owners' intentions, whether they've found another house to buy or are reconsidering the house they originally wanted to buy. Part of me wants to be creating Mood Boards for room ideas and sourcing new furniture on eBay, another part of me just doesn't want to believe it will happen in case it all goes wrong. Until we know more I suppose that's the safest option.

Signing off now... I rejoined Slimming World this week and as a Friday night treat there are diet friendly sausages, chips and beans in the oven!

Bibliophilia

2009-04-18T15:11:00.000-07:00

I've just spent Saturday evening cataloging my books on Library Thing (you can see my library in the sidebar on the right, and Monkey's too). DH was watching 'The Bucket List' which wasn't really grabbing my attention so I grabbed my laptop and squirreled away. I've really enjoyed it, and it's surprising to see how my book purchases in the last 2 years or so have been heavily weighted towards non-fiction. I always used to be a novel kind of a gal and now I just can't find the time to get into them. Understandably there are lots of parenting books, and my collection of craft/ knitting books is steadily growing. But I do so want to read a novel, a whole one, cover to cover, that would be soooo nice! Preferably on a beach. The only other hiatus I took from novel reading was after I finished my first degree in English Lit. Having been required to read between 2 and 5 novels a week for 3 years (light stuff, you know, like Homer's Iliad) I needed a break, although in actual fact I didn't really give up novels, I just switched to reading lighter stuff, lots of crime fiction writers like Sue Grafton and Patricia Cornwell. These are authors I still enjoy occasionally but I don't devour them anymore like I used to, too much violence and darkness.

I know a lot of my blog friends are equally passionate about books and it's something I can't wait to pass on to the Monkey. I haven't kept any books from my childhood and I really regret that now. Not that I know where I could have kept them all. I remember at primary school we used to have a book club of sorts. Every term a small catalogue would be handed out, we would place our order and bring in the money to pay the teacher. We never knew when the books would be coming, they would just suddenly be there one afternoon after we came in from playtime, sitting on the teacher's desk waiting to be distributed. I can recall the delicious agony of having to wait for my book until after story time, craning my neck to look at the titles and find my own book amongst the precariously balanced tower.

Do you have a Desert Island book? On Desert Island Discs you get given the Bible and The Complete Works of Shakespeare, but what else couldn't you live without? What could sustain you as you await rescue? I haven't got an answer to that myself yet, I think I'll go and trawl my shelves right now and see if there's a book I couldn't live without...

Breadmaking

2009-04-17T11:51:00.000-07:00

Tidy home, Tidy Mind? I found some lovely wicker baskets on special offer today, so now the Monkey's toys look much neater and she has a basket for her books.

For a while I've had the urge to bake my own bread, and this week my first loaf was created! I ordered the Tassajara Bread Book after seeing it on Soulemama's blog, however I haven't used the recipe yet because the measurements are all in American cups which have totally baffled me (so, American cups aren't the same as UK cups?). My first loaf was simply made from the recipe on the back of the Hovis wholemeal bread flour packet. I added a sprinkling of powdered milk and used molasses as the sweetener (from the Tassajara method). The loaf tasted great, here's Monkey having a nibble:

DH also liked it, and asked why we buy our bread from the shop?! It sounds silly but I didn't expect it to taste like Real Bread! But it definitely did. I made another loaf yesterday, it doesn't take much time at all, as long as I have a bit of baby-free time to do the kneading. I'm not sure how long it keeps for though? I found the loaves a bit cake-y tasting and heavy, not sure if they needed more kneading or a slight alteration to the recipe, but I look forward to trying the full Tassajara method when I have more time available next week.

My little garden

2009-04-15T07:48:00.001-07:00

Last week I went to the garden centre and bought the beginnings of a little garden! I got some herbs (parsley, rocket, coriander and lemon thyme), a couple of tomato plants, a beetroot plant and a couple of strawberry plants. I potted most of them up but now they are sitting on the patio and I don't know what to do with them next!? I also bought some seeds which are indoors doing rather less successfully, although I have got a few tomato seedlings growing. I also cleared the front garden, removing 3 huge bags of dried leaves, and planted some flowers in a pot. Our beautiful magnolia tree was blooming last week, perfect timing for selling the house, the flowers have all dropped now though.

House-wise, things aren't looking quite as bleak as we'd feared. Our vendors are actively looking for another house to buy, and we just need to be patient and give them time. We have a couple of potential buyers for our house and a few offers on the table. We should be living beside the sea at some point in the summer, whether in the new house or temporarily in the holiday cottage. DH has booked time off for Folk Week in August, which we are looking forward to (not that we are particularly folk-y people but it's supposed to be great fun!).

Lots of thanks to Daisie Davies, who sent Tilly and I a lovely package this morning containing some of her fab pegs- you can see more at her Folksy shop. We love them! And finally, warmest congratulations to Sarah and her family at Carried Family on the much anticipated birth of baby Rowan Hannah. Welcome to the world, Rowan!

Update, Easter Weekend

2009-04-12T14:00:00.000-07:00

It has been a weekend of highs and lows. Good Friday was wonderful, the sun was shining in the Thanet micro-climate (the weather always seems to improve as we drive down) and we went straight to the house for another viewing and to talk with the owners. The house was even lovelier than we remembered, we took lots of photos and sat by the pool (did I mention the pool?!) while their children swam. Things seemed really positive, we were discussing what they would take and leave behind, and we left to walk down to the sea-front for some lunch. Fast-forward to Saturday afternoon, and a phone-call which left our spirits dampened. The vendors had been due to discuss terms and come to an agreement on a price for the home they wanted to buy, which had all sounded rather like a 'done deal', but when DH spoke with them they told us they had been unwilling to pay the amount that had been asked, considering how much work needed to be done on the house. So it seems they no longer want to buy the house, which also means they may no longer want to sell theirs! It's all very much up in the air and they are going to discuss their options over the weekend. She said it wasn't necessarily bad news for us as they could find another property or even move out and rent until they found something. But it does feel like a kick in the teeth, and I am wondering if they really want to move? On the one hand they *seemed* very happy in the house and have done a LOT of work on it, on the other hand, they have four children, two of their girls share a room and their baby has the tiniest box-room which barely fits a cot in it. So they do need more space. Oh I guess it's silly to speculate, it's just so difficult being in limbo and having to wait until after the Bank Holiday for more news. I am trying to be philosophical about it. There are of course Other Houses out there. And nothing bad has happened. Our lives are good and we are still happy, healthy and fortunate people, it's just a 'potential' something that may not come to fruition.

Oh, and if we get the house we will have room in the garden for CHICKENS!!!!

Farm Pics

2009-04-12T13:54:00.001-07:00

Tilly, Shelley and I went to the farm last week. I was hoping to see some lambs and we weren't disappointed. They were very cute. I was fascinated watching the lambs interact with the ewe. She didn't seem to want to feed them; the lambs were running about trying to get to the teats but the ewe just wouldn't stand still. What was that about?! I know the feeling though, having spent most of the weekend with a teething babe latched-on, I sometimes wish I could do the same!
How gorgeous is this pot-bellied pig? I was so pleased when s/he wandered over for a close-up.

Hold on to your hats!

2009-04-09T08:55:00.000-07:00

I am floating on a cloud of excitement-anxiety-adrenaline-disbelief! For a while now we have had a plan to leave sunny Sidcup and move to the Kent coast permanently at some point in the future. It seems that the future is now! DH and I viewed, and fell in love with, a house last Saturday, made an offer on the spot and then spent the next few days panicking and rushing around trying to get our house on the market. Fast-forward to today and we have an approved mortgage AND an offer on our house. Fingers, toes and everything crossed that...

My little girl will be brought up by the seaside;

We will be within walking distance of the beautiful Viking Bay (and, more importantly, Morelli's ice cream parlour);

Duncan and Lady Macbeth will no longer be persecuted by the evil-est ginger cat that ever there was.

CAN YOU TELL THAT I'M EXCITED YET?!!!!!!!!!

March In Review

2009-04-02T15:14:00.000-07:00

March In Review

Original idea courtesy of Mon at Holistic Mama

Summary (3 sentence max)

A reminder of how quickly things change, enjoying the first rays of spring sunshine, baking and crocheting and getting out and about much more with the Monkey.

Fun

Learning new games that make the babe laugh (like 'Round and Round the Garden', which is apparently hilarious)

Challenging

Struggling to control my weight.

Thoughtful

Witnessing the Monkey's discovery of solid food.

An Insight/ Thought

I need to make more time for self-care, starting with regular massage.

Website/ blog find

I'm still undecided whether this is a Good Thing or not, but I've been Twittering.

Words (quote/ reading/ book recommendation/ 1 sentence review/ anything word-related)

Amigurumi- just because it's a great word.

Note to Self:

DANGER: Etsy ahead

2009-04-01T15:22:00.000-07:00

Oh wow, go and look at these. Just divine.

Fresh air and fantastic food

2009-04-01T14:24:00.000-07:00

Poor Lady Macbeth got bit on the bum. Cue trip to the vets yesterday for anti-inflammatories and antibiotics. She perked up today though; here she is in action:

Monkey in the garden

Before I begin, I need assistance with some blog etiquette: when replying to a comment someone has left on your blog do you reply underneath the comment or do you go to their blog and write a message?

So, we've had a lovely day today. Monkey and I went with a neighbour to a playgroup in a local church. It was a nice group with lots of space and a nice safe baby area, and lots for toddlers to do/ play/ craft. I was expecting there to be a waiting list but they had spaces for Under 1s so Monkey and I are 'in'. We met another neighbour there and walked back through the park together, having a good natter. Her baby is just a few months younger than Tilly; she uses reusable nappies and from our conversation I gathered that we shared similar views on parenting. It's always good to meet likeminded people, I can sometimes be a bit snobby and careful about the people I chose to connect with. Not 'class' snobby but intellectual snobbery I s'pose, I just can't stand 'chavvy' people. Sorry!

This afternoon I baked some apple & cinammon muffins, delicious! We ventured into the garden for the first time since Winter (!) and Monkey sat on the lawn watching the cats running around playing. Er, so how on earth does one stop a baby from putting twigs, stones, grass etc in her mouth?! I became quite inspired to do 'something' in the garden; I've got a couple of pots and I think I might plant some herbs. I tend to have the kiss of death where plants are concerned (or rather, the Cats of Death) but hopefully I can give life to something green!!! Yesterday we had a delivery from Abel & Cole, mainly because they had an offer of a free mixed fruit & veg box. I ordered some other bits and pieces and was not let down. Their eggs were fantastic and made lovely yellowy scrambled eggs, I had a lovely loaf of stoneground wholemeal bread and some of their homemade homous. I also ordered a whole chicken which was a complete revelation. It was only a pound or so more than the 'woodland' variety chicken I usually buy in Sainsburys or Tesco (free range are sooooo expensive), but when I cooked it this evening there was so much meat on it I couldn't believe it! I swear I got more meat from one breast than I usually get from the whole of a supermarket bird. I will be able to make two more meals from the meat and then stock for soup. Okay, that's the end of my Abel & Cole plug!

I blogged previously about my weight and yesterday I went to see a homeopath with a view to getting some help. I have a very limited understanding of how homeopathy works and have never seen one before. The consultation itself was 2 hours long and incredibly thorough. I was surprised that rather than focus on the health or body aspects of the problem our conversation centered mainly on the psychological: my hopes, fears, fantasies about how I look, how I want to look, what stops me from feeling confident in myself and in my skin. I felt like I'd been through the mill when I left, but quite hopeful that when she sends my treatment it will be of help.

Massaaaahhhge...

2009-03-26T15:05:00.000-07:00

Just got back from a wonderful massage. I haven't had a regular massage therapist before but I think I've found The One. I feel like my neck is 2 inches longer and my shoulders have dropped a couple of inches too! I could literally feel her hands making space inside me. Oh bliss! It was a very interesting process for me, observing my thoughts and feelings as she took a brief history and then began to work on me. First, it really hit me that, Yes, I really do only get about 6 or 7 hours (broken) sleep a night. And then I got to thinking about self-care, that's therapist self-care and mama self-care, of course. Why is it that I only have a massage once every blue moon? Especially when my neck and shoulders are as knotted as they are. I 'treat' myself often, I reward myself with food, nice things, the odd glass of champagne, but I don't know if I'm very good at caring for myself, and that's a completely different thing. Laying on the couch, being touched, made me realise how pragmatically I live my life at the moment. Perhaps being a mother has contributed to that, days are about tasks, meeting the needs of a baby, a partner, clients. My thoughts are practical, as are my concerns. But another realm, another aspect is being unlived and unnurtured. How to change that? How to nourish the spirit?

People often think that therapists get filled up with 'bad stuff', that clients 'dump' their problems and feelings in us, like a rubbish bin, which we then dispose of on their behalf. Nah. They ask how we can cope with the job, how can we do it week after week? Good therapists don't take on clients bad stuff. Our job is to facilitate a digestive process for the client, to help the client to process their own bad feelings. I think I'm pretty good at that, I don't feel like I take my work home with me, and apart from the odd 'toxic' client, I don't feel damaged by the work. But I do wonder about Energy. I don't know much about the energy therapies and I know they have gained in popularity and reputation, I must refresh my knowledge. I wonder about the space in which I work, I question how to keep it clear and flowing, and what about my own energy and how that may be impacted by the work I do? Ha ha, and then my pragmatic side comes in and scoffs at the subject as unscientific, unprovable. Hmmm.

But I digress. I think I need to make myself a Charter for Self-Care. And stick to it. Starting with earlier nights, so I'll come back to this another time.

Update from us: crafts and feeling fat!

2009-03-26T10:04:00.000-07:00

Goodness, it has been a while since I sat down and blogged. We had a lovely weekend in Lisbon and returned home safely and swiftly. It was probably one of the easiest journeys we've made so far, travelling to and from Portugal with Monkey was a breeze, although Lisbon itself didn't appear to have much in the way of facilities for families with babies. I do wish I were a better traveller though. DH laughs at the speed in which I go into Panic Mode. I guess I just get very nervous when out of my comfort zone. Which is a shame because there are lots of places in the world I would still like to visit.

Monkey's Adventures With Food continue, albeit very slowly. She likes to try lots of different things and there hasn't been anything yet that she's given a look of disapproval to (including sucking lemons!). However, she doesn't have more than a few sucks of something before she throws it on the floor or gets bored. This means of course that not a lot is getting digested, and I'm finding it hard to resist putting things in her mouth. Now I know that's not BLW, and it's also a surefire way to make her gag, so I'm having to resort to sitting on my hands, I think. I have continued to give her porridge in the mornings because she really seems to like that and gets quite excited when she watches me prepare it.

I've been struggling a bit with food and my weight, in fact, I weigh more now than just after Monkey was born. A combination of stress/ boredom at home with the baby, and plain ole greed/ lack of self-control. I do think that I need to get back to Slimming World. It's the programme that suits me best and I respond well to the motivation of being weighed each week (and getting stickers, yikes), but in the long run, hopefully once I'm down to a more sensible weight, I want to just be able to eat healthily and model sensible behaviour around food to the Monkey. Excitingly I won a bicycle that I was bidding for on eBay today, so I'm looking for a child seat and looking forward to taking the babe out exploring. Photo is of some wholemeal blueberry muffins I made this week... well, the pitiful 4 that remain, lol! They were lovely and at least a little bit better for us than shop-bought versions packed full of sugar.

In Craft News, this is a photo of the bird mobile that I sewed for Tilly using scraps of Amy Butler fabric. I attached the finished birds to the willow ring that was my gift in the Green Parent winter season swap, and changed the ribbons. It looks quite sweet. I haven't picked up my knitting for ages but I've been slowly teaching myself to crochet. My goal is to do some amigurumi toys, and thanks to Mon at Crooked Hooks I've been pointed in the direction of a really helpful YouTube tutorial which makes the technique look relatively easy. Now I just need to decide what to make: a cheeky monkey? a duck? a owl?

Weekend in Lisbon

2009-03-26T09:18:00.000-07:00

Probably the best table in Lisbon

Another day, another fine lunch, this time being stalked by a rather persistent gull!

Auditioning for Britain's Next Top Model... I'd rather hoped I wouldn't see this 'look' until she was at least fourteen!

That's better

And suddenly, overnight, she gets it!

2009-03-18T11:13:00.001-07:00

'It' being 'Eating'. She is nine months and three weeks old, and today is the first time I can say that she has taken and eaten solid food by herself. At lunchtime she nibbled on a cheese sandwich, and this afternoon she (we, actually!) demolished a chocolate chip muffin (see evidence!). So this evening I thought, let's go for it, and cooked her a fish finger and some roasted sweet potato. She picked the potato up straight away and put it in her mouth, before moving on to the fish finger. She didn't eat very much of that, deciding instead to feed it to Duncan (puss) who was waiting patiently underneath the table. It was such a joy to watch her.

I was finding it hard to keep faith that eventually she would start to eat by herself. And I know that lots of lovely mamas on the forums and here in Blogland have reassured me that it would happen, but it was just so hard to trust, particularly as her weight kept dropping.
How I wish I hadn't bothered spooning all of that mush in (okay, regrets are fine but I'm not going to beat myself up over what is already done). It did nothing to her weight, in fact, she has dropped from the 2nd centile to under the 0.4th since "weaning". I think her new high chair might have something to do with this sudden development. We sold the hideous giant plastic contraption on eBay and bought a Stokke Tripp Trapp. They are pretty pricey but I would have sold my Granny for one now! It is much easier to clean, but more importantly it sits right at the table and there is no tray in the way. Fantastic. Plastic tablecloth, dustpan and brush, et voila. Tomorrow we are off to Portugal to spend a weekend with DH, and I'm not going to pack any jars. I can't wait for us all to eat together as a family.

My next baby will be entirely baby-led weaned!

More crochet and a lovely find

2009-03-14T15:53:00.000-07:00

I wore the Monkey in the Moby D wrap today. It was the first time in ages that I've worn her and I'd forgotten how delicious it is to have a baby nestled asleep against your chest. We had a lovely lunch with a friend and her little girl, Monkey was so tired but stayed awake through lunch, charming the people on the neighbouring tables before conking out when I got on the tube home.
Crochet update: after about two hours of creating chain stitches and then failing to do the single crochet and having to start again, I finally cracked it. Well, almost. I've done it to the point that it looks something like crochet should look like, but I still need to refine it because I'm not sure I'm wrapping the yarn around the hook the right way. As for turning for the next row, well, that's not working out just yet because it's sloping so I assume I'm losing a stitch each row? I'm enjoying working it out, even if it is a little frustrating. The movement of the yarn and the hook is quite elegant.

You know what the funny thing is? I feel like I'm being a traitor to my knitting! I've got work on my needles and I feel like I'm having an affair with crochet. Can it last or will it be a mere dalliance? Watch this space.

Isn't this divine? It caught my eye on a stall in Angel Market, and is a vintage, off-white vanity case with a lovely red lining. I wish I could say it was a thrifty buy but, being Islington, it really wasn't!
I thought it would make a nice case for carrying the Monkey's toys around in, or I could use it for my sewing or knitting bits and bobs. I love the little pink containers for toiletries.

Crochet 101

2009-03-13T16:50:00.000-07:00

So, inspired by Joxy and Mon in particular, I have resolved to learn how to crochet. I've ordered the Happy Hooker book and a book of cute Amigurumi patterns, but I couldn't wait for them to arrive and had a bit of an attempt this evening. I had a quick look on YouTube and found out that the first step was to learn how to do a chain stitch. The first video I watched was hard to translate into left-handed crochet. I can see that being a southpaw might prove to be a bit of a disability! But then I found this video for left-handed chain stitch and I *think* I've got the hang of it. After doing a few inches it seemed that the stitches were becoming more uniform. You can't really judge from the photo as there wasn't enough light and I took it with my camera. I'll report more tomorrow, and also post a photo of the Monkey's bird mobile, which I completed this evening.

Oops

2009-03-12T17:35:00.000-07:00

Now I know I *should* have listened to some Mummy friends who said you should never cut your children's hair yourself but...

... I didn't.

And no, I didn't use a bowl.

Odd and sods

2009-03-11T04:39:00.000-07:00

There are parakeets living in our local park! I saw them once ages ago and mentioned it to Dave who thought I was nuts so I started to doubt it myself but then my Mum mentioned it the other day and yesterday I saw them again myself! You can't see them clearly in this photo but there are at least half a dozen and they are bright green.

Tilly adores reading her 'Splat' the cat book. In fact, she now has two of them. I think she said "cat" this morning when we came downstairs and saw Duncan. I *could* be wrong so I'm waiting for it to happen again before I officially declare it her First Proper Word, but it sounded pretty close.

Mmmm, delicious Leek, Bacon and Potato Gratin.

Must go, Monkey has just awoken after a long morning nap. AND she slept through the night. Most bizarre!

Weekend Photos

2009-03-08T15:09:00.000-07:00

The Monkey Eats!

Or Rather, Sucks on a Crust!

And no, I will never tire of hearing how beautiful she is!

Swans and ducks at Bushy Ruffs park, Alkham, Nr Dover

Monkey & Mama

Monkey & Monkey-Dada

This swan was huge and a little terrifying!

Sunny morning

2009-03-06T08:42:00.000-08:00

Daddy's (almost) Home!

2009-03-04T01:50:00.001-08:00

Just a quick post before we head off to Gatwick to collect daddy. Monkey is wearing a pretty new 'Spring' dress but as you can see, the excitement has got to her and she flaked out on the sofa after a quick breastfeed- and this was only 3/4 hour after she ate a huge bowl of buttery porridge. It seems her little appetite is picking up. A probably side-effect of eating more is that she is at last sleeping better. Last night was the first relatively normal night of the last fortnight, she went to bed at 7.30pm, woke at 1am-ish for a feed (it might even have been later) and then at 5am she came in with me and slept until 7am. I feel much better for it, even if I did stay up playing with my new mobile phone until ridiculous-o'clock (I was expecting her to wake up at any moment!).

Beautiful Booby Babe

Feeling sad

2009-02-27T13:47:00.000-08:00

I'm feeling a bit sorry for myself this evening. Really, really missing DH and feeling exhausted and worn out coping with a teething, unhappy babe. Have decided to head to my Mum and Dad's in the morning to get some help and hopefully bit of sleep. The outcome of our hospital visit yesterday was a tentative diagnosis of reflux, Monkey has been prescribed Gaviscon and we're going back in a week to see if it has helped. She's still being sick and brought up her breakfast this morning and a little bit after lunch, but her appetite is definitely returning. She's not sleeping well at all and feeding a lot in the night, hopefully this is her way of making up for the poor appetite of the last few weeks.

On a happier note we spent a lovely couple of hours at Joxy's this afternoon with Ali and her little ones. Again we didn't have time to do any crafting but we ate some delicious veggie chilli and muffins. Photos are from our previous meet-up last month at Ali's, which I didn't get around to posting at the time. There's Monkey, Ali, Ali's daughter Maya, her DS Evan and Jacqui's DS Rye. They all had a lovely time together, the Monkey seems to love being around other little ones and looks longingly as they go off to play together, she wants to join in!

Ali, here's another one for you!

2009-02-27T13:43:00.000-08:00

As if I don't spend too much time as it is in BlogWorld, here's another arty-crafty-Soulemama-esque blog to drool over!

Can't think of a title, will "Bum" do?

2009-02-24T13:07:00.000-08:00

The Monkey trying to claw her Mama with those paws:

Two hairy creatures, the one on the right is my daughter, who seems to have decided that Lady is now her favourite cat. I'm waiting for a book on baby signing to come from Amazon, but for now I've been teaching Tilly the sign for 'cat' as it's the only one I know and there are plenty of opportunities to use it.

We've not ventured very far in the last week or so. We stayed at Nanna and Grandad's at the weekend, and Nanna came back with us on Sunday evening to help out. Babe has been projectile vomiting on a regular basis and it's been horrible. I'm pretty sure it's nothing more sinister than her cough causing her to gag, but I can't tell you how much I hate being vomited on. Not that I imagine anyone particularly likes it, but still. As a result of teething and being sick quite a lot, Monkey has lost a bit of weight and is now well off the chart (i.e. below the 0.4 centile). We saw a lovely GP this morning who used to work in the neo-natal unit and remembered the babe from when she was just days old and having antibiotics for her chest infection. He gave her a thorough check-over and faxed the hospital to have our paediatric outpatient appointment brought forward, so hopefully on Thursday we'll see the consultant. Regular readers and forum friends will now that this is an issue that I get particularly anxious and stressed about, and I have unquestionably found it hard to accept that we just have a petite daughter, but I still have this lingering fear that something isn't right and at least at the hospital they can do some blood tests and check her vitamin levels. I know that in photos she looks fine, she has little rosy cheeks, but... she still wears 0-3 month clothes and carrying her feels no different from when she was a few weeks old. She's 9 months old next week!

Enough of that, I'll update when we've had our appointment.

What else? I've just cast-on stitches for an olive green tunic top for the babe, and I'm looking forward to finishing it off with some fancy new buttons I bought online. I'm looking forward to meeting up with Ali and Joxy on Friday, and meeting another GP mama who lives down that way. We plan to do a bit of a knitting and crocheting tutorial, and I'm hoping Ali will show me how to make a felt figure. Tomorrow I'm going to the recycling centre/ local tip. Glamorous, moi?

This weekend...

2009-02-20T15:04:00.000-08:00

I'm listening to Lily Allen, whose Poptastic melodies are firmly wedged in my head.

And watching 'Gavin and Stacey' on DVD (whilst copious episodes of Masterchef accumulate on Sky+ awaiting DH's return).

I'm peaking at the scrumptious new fabric soon-to-be a blind for our bedroom:

And I'm adoring Grandad-Love:

... especially the way he greets the baby: Hello Tiddler!!!

Home alone, and lovely treats...

2009-02-17T12:26:00.000-08:00

So the Monkey and I are now home alone; DH is on his way to South Africa for work and we're going to miss him a lot. The last week has been filled with lovely experiences. On Thursday night DH took me out on a Top Secret Date. We went to the O2 arena to see Keane in concert! I had a fantastic evening, we had brilliant seats and tickets to the aftershow party. Unfortunately we couldn't hang around long enough to see whether the band came to the party, but the concert was great. MIL babysat and we came home to a very poorly little Monkey who had been infected with another cold, cue a very sleep deprived night.

As if Date Night wasn't enough, we had a lovely Valentine's Day and took a trip into central London for the day. We nipped into a little pub pre-lunch, and were 'greeted' (I say greeted, it isn't really the right word, grunted might be more appropriate) by one of the most bizarre bartenders DH or I had ever met. Not prone to displays of even moderate hospitality or warmth, our new friend spent the next fifteen minutes giving us an impromptu lecture on 1) baseball, his favourite sport and 2) spiders, his all-time-favourite-things-ever (and my all-time-least-favourite-most-phobic-things-ever). We listened intently, although the 8-legged subject matter sent shivers up by spine!

Lunch, oh lunch...

Lunch was here, at Bocca di Lupo in Soho. I am very fortunate in that I am often able to eat out at fantastic restaurants, courtesy of my foodie husband, and this one is definitely a new addition to my top five. The standout dishes were sausage on a bed of lentils, the sausage being Essence Of Sausage and Everything a Sausage Should Be and it just melted in my mouth; a beautiful, tender piece of swordfish topped with capers and ricotta cheese, and the piece de resistance: almond granita with a chocolate sorbet. A dessert so beautiful it made me cry. Well, I probably wouldn't have cried had it not been for 3 glasses of prosecco, but darn it I love my gelati and this one was just on another level completely. I'm getting misty eyed just thinking about it. Afterwards we went to the National Theatre to see 'Every Good Boy Deserves Favour', which was another surprise and very good indeed.

Thank you, Dave, for such a wonderful day and for being the best husband and daddy ever.

The Valentine Hat

2009-02-17T12:12:00.003-08:00

Here's the hat I knitted for DH as a Valentine's Day present, modeled by me because he is now in the air en route to South Africa, where he won't have much use for a woolly hat. The pattern is Stephanie's Boyfriend Hat, also seen here on Soulemama's blog. The yarn is Noro Kureyon, shade 217, which has turned out to be a bit too girly for my man's taste. He kindly wore it on Saturday, but I think I may have to knit another in colours of his choosing. Still, it's a nice hat, the sizing worked out perfectly and it's dead easy. I LOVE the Noro yarn, it's so lovely coming to a new colour each time it changes.